By Drew

 

My work wife, Hield aka Tamtam aka “Bring me one hot pattie when you comin”, is a bad girl.  We don’t and will never have sex, we don’t speak after a certain hour and we very rarely if ever hang out together beyond working hours. Who knew not having sex with a female while maintaining a respectful friendship without agenda would be so refreshing!

Oh…good point.

Regardless, she’s a dickless version of me.

Now, to those that know me, that’s a frightening thought.  I’m loud, stupid and brutal….and so is she. In essence, she 100% gets me but, in the cockeyed view of society, I’m just a guys guy and she’s whatever label the feminist social justice warriors have created this week.

Never have so few been so recreationally outraged by so little whilst judging people who could care less.

For a long time now women have felt the need to be wholesome and “decent”; for what reason I’ll never know.

I’m pretty sure there was a committee of weak minded men that convinced them.

“Ok…lets make them think that EVERYTHING they do is whorish so that way their spirits are broken ….also lets tell them Jesus said to. They love them some Jesus”

Its within this vein that I feel the need to explain why good girls are losing….and they always will.

Lets first define what it means to be a “good girl”.

The best way to describe what we, a  vote no ass country, deems to be a good woman is one that stays home, cooks, cleans, loves you despite the sweethearts and lies and puts you above all else regardless of your own sins within the relationship. In other words, um….slavery…but with running water and consistent meals.

There’s a culture here that women have a specific role to play and often times, when we have no leg to stand on beyond “that’s how our mothers were”, we go to good old white Jesus and his word.

“See…even the bible wants you to have dinner ready and served to me on time. You calling Jesus a liar?”

I for one used to be JUST like those guys.

Yip.

There was a time in my life that if you couldn’t cook, know how to wash a white load or didn’t sit your ass home while I was out hanging with the boys then you weren’t the chick for me. That was until I realized something very important about myself: I love a bad chick and good girls were boring as hell.

“Tats? Check. Edgy hair do? Check. Curses like a sailor in public? Check. Obvious demons, daddy issues, gluttony/drinking problems and a clear and present hate for people that mirrors my own? Check and check….WIFEY!!!!”

My personal problem with “good girls” is y’all boring.

I’m sorry but I’m a guy that likes to go to happy hour, drink and make mistakes with my girl. The entire point of HAVING a girlfriend/wife is to have someone to enjoy life with. Now, to be fair, you could be a woman where a fun night to you is staying at home and reading the Bible or playing fun PG rated games then enjoying really ok missionary sex at 9pm on a Friday evening.

To that I say good for you and Godspeed!

“Tell me again about how you balanced the checkbook and paid the Cable bill in its entirety, big daddy! I love it when you talk dirty!!”

Me? Oh I have no issue staying home and playing games.

I’m 35, I’m tired of the club scene….just understand that, if we stay home,  we’ll be drunk and any game we play will be nasty and result in us possibly having sex in the kitchen on top of the pizza we ordered. I’m a dirty nigga so I can make Monopoly a nasty affair.

“Ok you landed on Baltic which means you have to take a shot….oh and I have 2 hotels so that means you have to give me head for 2 minutes”

If you read that caption on the above pic and your reaction was…

…then go back to work and stop reading this, sis. This article isn’t for you.

You’re a champion and I’m proud of you.

Go be great.

But, if you’re married or in a relationship and THIS was your reaction…

…then sit down and focus because the man you love is cheating on you as we speak with the chick in the picture tying her hair up.

I’ll explain.

Whats the one thing men desire in this whole world?

Most of you in true Bahamian female fashion  answered, out loud, “PUSSY!!!”.

Silly rabbit, that’s not true at all. Its The Bahamas: Women outnumber men: How hard do you really think it is to get laid? In the immortal words of Aubrey “Drake” Graham, “Pussys only pussy and I get it when I need it.” You can go under the bridge at any given time after 10pm and take something home.

Pictured above: “Something”

Men desire a challenge.

We have been conquerors, kings, adventurers, villains, heroes etc all of our lives. Nothing in the world makes us more complete than a good old fashioned challenge. Something we can’t have. The forbidden fruit, if you will.

Don’t believe me?

K…

Boy y’all Betty ass gals taking L’s in life AND in the comics. Better settle and get you a Jughead cause…

The most wholesome nigga possibly on earth chose the bad chick over the “good” one.

He KNEW what Betty was and what she brought to the table. But Veronica? Chick was bad as hell. It’s the excitement that hooked him. Now I know this is fictional but even fiction is rooted in some truth. That’s why all the women he cheated on you with were either the polar opposite of you or just straight up didn’t mind screwing a dude that had a girl to begin with. She was willing to make the hard choice of adultery and for a lot of women that shit pays off. I’m not condoning cheating by the way. Its a cowardly and disgusting act.

But…You’ve been waiting on Jesus and Tyler Perry for about 8 years now to send you “the one” and, well, that’s not really panning out now is it? Some of y’all need to stop blaming Jesus for why you’re single and take responsibility.

“MEEEEEEEEEEEE?! I told you to stay home and wait for a man? Faith without works is dead, boo boo”

Now I know the common theme that good girls try to use against bad girls like this is, “well he wont leave me for you ever!!

LoL….K.

Exhibit A  #Receipts

Next line of defense? “Oh well, she wont do for you what I can do for you!! I’m a nurturing, moral woman!!”

…..ok

She’ll do exactly what you would do for him with the added benefits of…you know….fun. Oh y’all think these bad chicks don’t know how to be nurturing AND nasty?

Its 2017, beloved. Trump is president and y’all still think y’all safe in these streets?

Chicks these days will take your nigga/crush, feed him a home cooked meal then wreck that nigga for an hour in the bedroom then get up and study for her CPA like she didn’t just make him see the face of God during orgasm.

“Girl, I just made that niggas toes curl and put him to sleep. Imma go do some class work then head to bed cause crossfit is in the morning!!”

So for the few of you that are still reading I assume you’re wondering how to accomplish said “badness”. Its quite simple…

Be yourself.

Let that sink in for a sec and think for a moment about who you are at your core. I too often hear women complain about how its unfair that men can do one thing and women can’t and, “I wish I could just cut loose and curse and be loud like men and not have to be ladylike”.

Babygirl…..swing for the fences.

Curse, be loud, drink, smoke….try that thing you saw on www.Xnxx.com when he was out with her doing the thing you were watching working late. The world is your oyster, why not live? Don’t get me wrong, you may lose that nigga in the process.

Oh ya….a lot of men can’t handle a woman being their equal let alone doing the shit they do. At which point maybe him leaving is for the best.

“I need a nigga who isn’t mad that I drink scotch and smoke black and milds when the function is lit, Harold. I’m sorry!”

What’s funny is the answer to your problems has been in front of you all along. Know who had it figured it all this time? “Hoes”.

So called “hoes” have been killing this game for years now and y’all knew it because I get the same question every time from women: “How is it she slept with the entire CV Bethel Basketball team and I go to work, home and church and she’s married before me?”.

The answer? In the words of Sandor Clegane aka The Hound: “Experience”.

See while you were busy not going out and living life she was blowing some guy behind the classroom and perfecting her head game. While you were declining a night out with your girls she was out drinking grown men under the table in her 20’s. While you thought that you were doing the right thing by being too involved with work, church, your pastor and family bubbles she was out there developing a personality  and abstract thinking beyond your myopic views on life.

The irony of this is that a lot of you so called good girls are reformed bad girls or just plain old do your dirt  in secret.

Don’t give me that look.

The purest among you have demons in your panties. Fellas, always remember that some dude somewhere has mental or actual pics of your chicks crotch and what her orgasm face looks like and now you can’t unknow that.

“How dare you fuck other niggas before I knew you you whore!!”

Whats funny is I’m not asking you to do anything outside of what men have been doing for years…nay…centuries! So if men can wild out and enjoy life then why can’t you? The “bad girl” label is one that was made up by a self righteous human that needed yet another reason to control and manipulate women if you ask me.

Please disregard all these dumb articles and people telling you to bend out of shape to please your dude. Sure, be a good human enough to be kind and reciprocate the love and affection shown you by your significant other.

Trust me, I know far too well what it feels like to be taken for granted.

Do for him as he does for you. But besides that? Do you, Miss. If its for you then its for you and if not then on to the next nigga. Ya, they’ll judge you and call you loose. They’ll mock you and say you won’t find a man that way. But understand that they’re also home watching Lifetime and have the time to focus on your life because they have none.

This is where playing cute and an unwarranted sense of entitlement gets you. Home alone watching independent films and being fake deep due to lack of dick. #BeSafeTho

Its terrifying putting yourself out there in the hopes of being accepted. Its fucking scary.

But without fear we would never have evolved. We wouldn’t have run fast enough to escape danger or been brave enough to face it. Understand that fear is a choice, what you do with that fear defines you.

Women that make their own rules without care for what society has to say are the true heroes of this story. The “bad girls”, the ones who didn’t obey the rules, who made the unorthodox choice to be themselves are the ones natural selection chose because they didn’t cower in the safety of a cave built by their own fears and insecurities. They are playing on the same level as the boys and WITH the boys…..and winning.

Win, ladies.

Make your own rules before you get left behind and all you have left is F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Oops (see what I did there?)

Good girls are a gift…..bad girls are a blessing.

 

Stay woke Blessed

 

 

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