The Bahamas has a new government

Last week The Bahamas, the place that I call home, had an election, the incumbent government, manned by the Progressive Liberal Party was ousted by the incoming Free National Movement. I guess the whole fake catching the bus thing actually worked*takes notes*. 

That’s all I’m going to say about the election, I don’t really care who’s in charge, I’m in charge…. of writing firey takes that are as hot as the FNM torch, and to be honest I only started this article off writing about the election to get you to click this article because I have no scruples or sense of shame and I need to get these jokes off.

And if any newly minted high ranking government officials are reading this, if there’s any job for a 6’8″ washed up former terrible pro basketball player turned mediocre sports writer at Sports and Culture or at the Ministry of Tourism hit the DMs and I’ll send you a resume.

I’m kidding.

(I’m not at all kidding, hit me up.)

Dubs gonna dub

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Yesterday the NBA’s Western Conference Finals got underway with the Golden State (Oakland, the team is in Oakland, they should be called the Oakland Warriors, nobody calls the Orlando Magic the ‘Stand your ground state’ Magic) Warriors took on the San Antonio Spurs. And it was a 25 point blowout by the time i got in front of the TV at the end of the 2nd half.

I stayed and watched anyway, not because I was at my mom’s house on mother’s day trying to make up for the fact that I missed her surprise birthday party last Sunday because I may have been busy getting inebriated at a cooler fete on a boat, that’s totally not why I stayed there. I stayed but because the Dubs are the Dubs, and they’re never out of any game, no matter what the score is, even if the goddamn Spurs are up almost 30.

Sure enough the Warriors went on to win 113-111 thanks to 40 points, 7 rebounds and 5 assists from Steph Curry,  34 points, 5 rebounds and 4 assists from Kevin Durant and one sketchy play from Zaza Pachulia to knock Spurs superstar small forward Kawhi Leonard out for the rest of the game early in the 3rd quarter.

 

Kawhi already had a bummy ankle, having had to sit out a game in the previous series, and Pachulia, coming from the Republic of Georgia isn’t a stranger to irregular warfare. I’m sure that’s exactly what was being employed here.

Not that I mind I’m a dubs fan.

Antoan Richardson wasn’t at Derek Jeter day…. why?

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Yesterday the New York Yankees honored their greatest living player, Derek Jeter in a ceremony where they retired his number and put a statue of him in monument park.

A number of great Yankees from the past were there, guys who were with the captain through is two decade odyssey to baseball’s pinnacle like Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams, Joe Torre, Andy Pettite, Mariano Rivera, Paul O’Neal and I’m not really going to list all those guys you know who they are.

Conspicuously absent was a former Yankee who may not have the stature of these guys, but may be just as important  in terms of Derek Jeter lore: Antoan Richardson.

Antoan, who is a frequent subject of our articles, scored Jeter’s last RBI in Yankee Stadium, on a game winning hit of course because even at the end of his career out of playoff contention, the Captain is still the Captain and he should be respected as such.

Jeter wouldn’t be who he is without moments like “the flip“, the “Mr November” home run, the leadoff home run in the Subway Series and the RBI on his final at bat in Yankee Stadium.  That RBI wouldn’t be possible without the extraordinary speed of the veteran outfielder from Nassau.  I’m gonna need the squad in the Bronx to do the right thing next time something like this comes up.

Also, Antoan is my cousin.

We gon need that ting Hal Steinbrenner (cause I’m sure he’s reading this).

No bias here though.

Former Celtics go on TV and embarrass themselves

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Last week an assortment of NBA players who were on Boston’s 2008 championship winning team took time out of their not so busy schedules to go on TV and throw manbaby tantrums about a former teammate.

These guys talking about Ray Allen is the most pathetic bunch of whining I’ve ever heard from pro athletes.

They’re really upset because Ray left?  

His contract was up, he was under no obligation to stay, something they should all know at this point because they all left to try their hand at winning titles elsewhere, just like Ray.  It just seems to me like these guys are just upset that Ray was more successful at chasing rings than they were.

Ray doesn’t care about them. 

Ray hasn’t tweeted anything or wrote any op-eds since this pitiful display aired last week and I doubt he will, because that guy is retired and happy. Ray also understands, unlike this set that his time with the Celtics was a job, and that these guys weren’t his family.

People you get paid to hang around are not your family.

 

Ed Orgeron is a psychotic superhuman

My favorite coach in all of college sports is back and he’s more insane than ever.  He went on the Dan Lebatard show on ESPN and proclaimed that he drinks 8-10 monster energy drinks a day because apparently Ed Orgeron is a highlander. 

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There can only be one

I find it hard to believe that people who drink energy drink at any volume have any concern for their health, someone who drinks that much on a daily basis very actively and aggressively wants to die right away. The fact that he’s able to consume that much monster and be alive is reason alone for his players to be deathly afraid of him.

Jeremy Lin said he experienced racism in the Ivy League

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According to current NBA player Jeremy Lin, he was the victim to a number of racial taunts during his playing days at Harvard

Listening to Lin’s interpretation of what happened during his college years, it seems that a group of schools full of kids from WASP 1% backgrounds are quite racist.

Who knew right?

Draymond Green has a refreshing lack of self-awareness.

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We live in an era where athletes are ridiculously media savvy. If you don’t believe me, listen to any interview with an NFL quarterback and try to draw any conclusions from what they say. Hell even interviews with high school kids are ridiculously bland and safe.

Warriors forward Draymond Green doesn’t move that way.

Green exhibits a lack of self-awareness that takes us back to bygone eras of superstar athlete egos when Latrell Spreewell turned down a $14 million contract protesting that his kids have to eat and Allen Iverson used to show up to interviews looking like this

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That was actually last week

Green called Celtics center Kelly Olynik a “dirty player” completely forgetting the fact that he ruined his team’s chances of winning a title last year by getting suspended all because he couldn’t help but take potshots at opposing players’ balls.

He also said that the competition in the east isn’t very tough, which was taken entirely out of context by the media because who’s more fun for a bunch of know-nothing self-righteous press types to rag on than the loud black guy?

Here’s what he actually said in context.

I think Cleveland’s been playing great basketball. You watch them, it’s been amazing. And then you watch the other teams that they’ve been playing against… not so much.

Cleveland comments aside, Dray had to say about Kelly Olynyk revealed an amazing lack of self-awareness, and I’m fine with that.  Professional athletes are amazing physical specimens who train for their entire lives at skills that have no positive impact on the world in any way and we worship them for that.

Expecting them to be well-balanced, thoughtful people doesn’t make any sense.

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