By Drew

 

Its subtle.

It’s the way we talk to each other. How we approach and judge people we don’t know. From the car they drive to the way they carry themselves. From their occupation to the way they announce their political/socioeconomic views. It’s always been there, this cavern between us, but we barely speak of it over a whisper.

We pretend not to see it.

We use silent weapons in a quiet war that’s raging between us. But, deep down, you knew the chick that keeps her hair natural (ironically) and is dressed a bit too casually for Café Matisse lived out west. You knew it the second she opened her mouth. She’s the chick whose parents could afford to send her to Africa on a whim but in conversation she calls it the “motherland” and is fake deep 24/7 which justifies her existence she thinks.

“And when we were there it was so much poverty and pain that we saw from the hotel window that one time. Everyone should go and stop being poor is all I’m saying!”

He’s the guy you knew lived out east when you invited him to Compass Point for drinks and he hesitates because now he has to make a life decision because gas is $4.20 and Compass Point Far.

“Ok, that’s $30 in gas just to spend $200 on brunch but then I could spend $10 on gas and have some mediocre wings at Green Parrot for like $50 and still have money left over for lunch and gas for the week….”

We’re all thinking it but it’s time to acknowledge it as I deconstruct living out east vs living out west.

Let’s start off with some ground rules for this conversation. Before I start making my sweeping generalizations and my marginally incorrect blanket statements let’s be clear: “Out east” is from Marathon Road back. Yes even Fox Hill, no not Pinewood. Pinewood people I know you think it’s cute to tell people you live out east but stop it.

You live pinewood, beloved.

Pinewood is like some weird directionless void that we just pretend doesn’t exist and let flood a lot.

Actual footage of the Pinewood MP floating through Pinewood after Hurricane Matchew.

We ignore Pinewood the same way out west people pretend like Gambier Village doesn’t exist. Westerners legit act like it’s not minutes away from Bahamar.

“You said you lived West in a tone that made me believe you lived a life of finery and elegance…..not Gambier Village, my nigga! Boy, bye”

Oh and I’m side eyeing you as well, folks that live St Albans drive.

You’re not west either.

We all know that “out east” and “out west” are more colloquialisms than they are directions at this point.  And yes, if you’re wondering: I’m an out east guy. Always have been, always will be.

All my San Souci and Winton heights thugs whats good! We out here! #CashMeInSeagrapesLiquorStoreHowBoutDat #WeenThugs #NeverWalkTHroughFoxHillInMyLife”

Now if we are to have this conversation we have to address 4 things before we come to our scientific conclusion: Cost of living, food/entertainment, crime and people. And lets be clear, I wont be addressing Carmichael because they so independent they might secede from New Providence as a whole if they keep it up. Niggas have zero reason to drive past Golden Gates or Cowpen.

“I’m sorry, Miss, I drove past Quality Home Center and now I don’t know where I am….is this still New Providence?”

So, without further adieu…

 

Cost of living

I’m sorry but this has to go to the out east folks right off the bat.

Westerners, your light might not cut off as much but at what cost? Niggas paying $2800 a month for a one bedroom, unfurnished, nothing included, non gated “bachelor pad” about the size of a closet. Meanwhile, in Twynam…

$500 a month, pets/dragons allowed, furnished, water, light, cable and Filipino house keeper included

Please don’t misunderstand me: if you want and can afford luxury then out west is where you want to be. But lets not act like we all don’t have that one friend that can’t afford ramen or a cold bottle of Chelseas Choice but brags about how they “live west”. Same nigga laying on a twin mattress who been “soon getting some more furniture” for 3 years now. Same chick who has to confirm who’s paying every time you invite her out.

“Thanks for covering this, girl…you know how my rent be. Y’all gonna finish those breadsticks tho?” #LunchForTomorrow #AlwaysWantDoggieBagButDontWanPayToFillTheBag

You won’t get places much nicer than the Vanetian condos or any condo/apartment development really. But sweet Jesus you’re going to pay for it.

Lets just say If I had a kid, I’m not saying I couldn’t afford living out west I’m just saying he’s gonna be home-schooled by Detective Olivia Benson  of the SVU while I’m at work.

This single female is the reason your girlfriend thinks everyone is a murderer and that you’re cheating all the time.

I’d rather spend my hard earned money on alcohol and bad decisions than rent and the illusion of pomp and pageantry.

 

East – 1

West – 0

 

 

Food/Entertainment

I’m a bar guy.

I’m a bar guy because I’m done with clubs due to my uncanny ability to fall asleep at the drop of a dime when I’ve had too much too soon and couldn’t handle all the fun I was having or mischief I was up to in the dark.

…too soon?

So when I reference entertainment I mean a place adults can take their loved ones and or sweethearts and enjoy some burgers and wings without fear of….you know…murder.

“I know this place is safe because they have quesadillas….niggas don’t rob places that serve quesadillas” #facts

That being said, as Dakarai and the false god Ricardo Wells loves to remind me, I tend to frequent Green Parrot a lot (or Green Parrot PI if I’m feeling pretentious and boaty). Eastern Nassau offers a plethora of dining experiences as downtown Nassau is now kinda lit as well as Palm Cay and other spots too many to name.

….so does the west though.

The western end has quiet little slip spots like Nesbitts and whatever the place is called that sells the $48 tropical salads I will never buy anyone ever.

You can spend $500 on dinner Saturday night but if you can’t afford that tropical salad on that random Sunday drive then she considers you broke, fam.

Other places include Twisted Lime and about 38 brunch spots including Compass Point or Mahogany House if you wanna spend a car note on food you tell yourself tastes as good as Bamboo Shack on a Friday night.

Fun Fact: Did y’all know Bamboo is open until 2am on the weekends? God is good all the time! #StayWoke

Now many people will make the argument that Western eateries are expensive: Not true.

People who complain about that probably live out east and don’t wanna pay for gas. You’re gonna pay the same bill at Pirates Republic that you do at Olives and small portions of expensive food cost the same at Sapodilla as they do Graycliff.

With all that being said:

East – 1

West – 1

…sorry. Y’all confused as to how the west got a point? Have y’all had KFC from Saunders Beach?

Nigga…

BEST. KFC. ON.THE.ISLAND.

Argue wit ya ma!

 

No woman, orgasm or video game can give this young man the unfiltered joy he’s experiencing right now in this moment.

I’m sorry but chicken is always a tie breaker in my life and I wont hear anything different so lets move on amicably.

 

Crime

A big misconception about living out east, by westerners, is that eastern New Providence is “dangerous”.

Um, not true.

Out east is just as safe as out west….once you don’t own a Honda or live in Blair during Christmas.

Or both.

“Sir you have excellent credit and more than enough for the down payment but its November, you live in Blair and you want to purchase a NEW Honda? Issa no, for me boo boo.”

Oh we let Western folks THINK its still dangerous just to feign being tough and keep Chad and them in check but Elizabeth Estates is not what it used to be in the 90’s.

I was a packing boy in Seagrapes for years….trust me I know.

Y’all don’t know about walking through Lizzy with $8.38 in your Dickies only to return to the store with $ .38 #AllMyLifeIhadToFight

Now niggas in Lizzy have nice houses with gardens and shit. You can’t have a lust for murder when your horticulture game is strong…that’s just science.  Now that’s not a suggestion for you to walk through Fox Hill at 2am as an experiment….that’s just me saying its not nearly as bad as it once was.

Western New Providence is safe because it costs too much to drive out there to commit a crime. I’m not saying they don’t have crime…I’m just saying if I need the money that bad I don’t know if I’m driving past Centreville to rob you to get it is all. Plus Westerners are fond of electric fences and exotic dogs.

You don’t need an alarm system when some woman’s shitzu, “Mr. Giggles”, is yapping his head off every 2 minutes….quite different from his brother “Lil Murder Face” who will bite your face off for no reason whatsoever.

Toy dogs raised outside in the hood are the most dangerous animals in The Bahamas but y’all worrying bout Spaying and neutering these potcakes. #BeSafeTho

Plus lets not act like Gambier Village aka “the sunken place” isn’t real. There’s Lyford Cay and Old Fort Bay people reading this right now that have no clue what I’m talking about.

“Wait is he talking about “The Poop Deck”? Cause that IS pretty ghetto for us…”

But, can’t argue with stats. Statistically West is less murdery than the east so…

 

East – 1

West – 2

 

People

Sannie Dorsett (Brown) grew up out west so…

 

East – 2

West – 2

 

In the end it really doesn’t matter which side you live. Its become such a thing now “out east” vs “out west” as if it matters. Both sides had to work hard to get where they are now. We all live under the same government, have to wait on the same BEC line and pay the same Cable Bahamas bill. In the timeless words of Biggie Smalls, “Picture me fearing a man that breathes the same air as me”.

He also said “You look so good hun, I suck on your daddy’s dick”….so he wasn’t a philosopher 100% of the time is all I’m saying

It’s a weird time right now on our small island.

I’m looking at my timeline and if I see one more un-manicured purple thumb or some too angry millennial barking about how corrupt the last set of old niggas were vs how awesome and great the newly elected old niggas will be I’m going to lose it.

You can feel the division.

But it doesn’t start with politics it starts with little things like east vs west. Central vs South. SAC alumni vs people with Christ in their hearts. There will always be things that separate us without us having to create divides that only make it harder for us to come together and understand each other. It’s these small hurts, these little jeers and judgments that keep us down as a society and we have to come together an-

Wait….Lets pause the fake deep outro…..I just realized out west doesn’t have a Bamboo shack….lol….FOH!

East – 3

West – 2

I never should have doubted you, Buju….

“I KNOW THE EAST IS THE BESSST, YES! ALWAYS BE DEPRESSED THERES NO LIFE IN THE WEST!!!”

 

Stay(Easternly)Woke

 

 

 

 

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