By Drew

 

I went to college late. I was 21 when I hit Canada but I was cool cause I was pushing that white in these streets, ducking 5-0 and making it snow in the tropics for a couple of years keeping these crack fiends fed. Seventeen-five, same color t-shirt.

lol…Just kidding. I was working at a clinic, avoiding Nassau Village in the night and going to bed at responsible hours.

lol…Just kidding. I was working at a clinic, avoiding Nassau Village in the night and going to bed at responsible hours.

When I got word that I had been accepted into college I was excited. In the midst of my elation an older nurse approached me and said something I’ll never forget:

“Now listen, don’t bring home no white woman. Stick wit ya own!!”

I promised her up and down that I would NEVER be with the white devil.

I meant it too.

At that time the brightest thing in my life was my Long Island gf who I was just grateful would have sex with me let alone be with me. I got to Canada and for the first semester I chopped down everything black with a pulse/vag. Then winter came and I ran into a gorgeous blonde who would then end up being my first love….whom I brought home.

“Ok so the story is you’re an albino Nigerian. Also your name is M’Foo Foo Johnson. This is for your general safety, babe”

“Ok so the story is you’re an albino Nigerian. Also your name is M’Foo Foo Johnson. This is for your general safety, babe”

Somewhere between the words from the nurse and dating several white women long term, I learned the pros and cons of interracial dating in the Bahamas.

Bahamians at their core are racist and totally not racist at all.

Let me explain.

The average Bahamian aka the 93% (for the few of you that get that reference) have a pretty stereotypical xenophobic mentality when it comes to white folks. (Yes, I know that’s a generalization, the internet is free, go read another blog) They just assume said white people own whatever building is within 100ft of their body or that they smell like chlorine or whatever purebred dog they have at home. The rest of us are quite aware that, if I may quote Christopher Wallace, “Niggas bleed just like us”. So indeed, picture me being afraid or looking up to someone that breathes the same air as me. Also let’s keep in mind I went to Kingsway Academy. A very diverse albeit pool-less school.

“Ok parents I know we’ve made your kids sell discounted cookies for the better part of 50 years but the pool is coming soon maybe I think!”

“Ok parents I know we’ve made your kids sell discounted cookies for the better part of 50 years but the pool is coming soon maybe I think!”

I had an Adam, a Donovan and a Mia the same way I had a Nikera, a Lathera and a Norvian. All equal and all my niggas. But things get tricky when it comes to dating and that’s when the lines get blurred.

Understand that Bahamians don’t consider white Bahamians to be white: We grew up with these people so to us they’re just Bahamian. If you born here, live(d) here and raise(d) here then you’re just Bahamian.

Pictured above: A Bahamian and 3 white women.

Pictured above: A Bahamian and 3 white women.

But I never realized this until I brought a foreign white woman home and got all the typical comments.

"Dude been to Canada for 5 minutes and brought back this white trick" - Girl who didn't give a shit until said "White trick" came on the scene

“Dude been to Canada for 5 minutes and brought back this white trick” – Girl who didn’t give a shit until said “White trick” came on the scene

I can’t say that it bothered me because usually the chicks that make those comments are either unattractive, single, miserable or all of the above. You gotta let those people live because they are unhappy with themselves and their lack of penis at home. In fact I didn’t even hear shit about it until my ex and I broke up. It was all good during the relationship because gals, but then…..

“Oh ya, I saw you and that white devil bitch Janice the other day. OMG how is she? You guys are a travesty and I need you to know Harriet Tubman didn’t free niggas to be bringing no snowflake home so cute!”

“Oh ya, I saw you and that white devil bitch Janice the other day. OMG how is she? You guys are a travesty and I need you to know Harriet Tubman didn’t free niggas to be bringing no snowflake home so cute!”

They’ll never say it to your face but it gets back to you eventually. Bahamians just assume that if you date ONE white girl that that’s just your preference forever. FOREVER.

Bahamian females please understand that Bahamian men are equal opportunity daters: I’ll date a Portuguese chick today then tomorrow you may see me with a chick from Chippingham……once you look good we good.

Unless she live Kemp Road. Maybe don’t date a Kemp Road female right now if you…you know….wanna live

 

Here’s where it gets weird: Every white female I ever brought home had Bahamian females leaving comments and making their not-jokes. But then when I dated a white Bahamian female for 5 years no one blinked. Somehow some way it’s almost as if they knew she was Bahamian and that she was “Safe”.

“Naw Shirley cool. You see them hips? Thas them Abaco hips. Let them live”

“Naw Shirley cool. You see them hips? Thas them Abaco hips. Let them live”

Never an issue, never a second glance and no one gave a shit. It’s weird.

It’s the same for females.

Bahamian men will not mess with a chick ever in life but then when she brings Connor home, from Vermont, they wanna get in their feelings and talk shit.

“You know this white boy can’t hit that with sense. I may not be working, have 3 baby mothers and think the show "Power" is a legitimate source of education but I’m willing to get you sorted, boo!”

“You know this white boy can’t hit that with sense. I may not be working, have 3 baby mothers and think the show “Power” is a legitimate source of education but I’m willing to get you sorted, boo!”

Really, nigga?

The complaint I hear from most females is that niggas are either gay, in jail, too womanish or just plain bitch niggas. So it’s no surprise Connor from Vermont with his good hair and quality Mariah Carey making sperm is the next up to bat.

Let that nigga live.

The irony is we complain and moan about different races dating our own but then glory in their offspring. Don’t act like I’m the only one who’s grandmother loves her mixed grandkids just a smidgen more than the black ones. It’s a known fact that old Bahamians love a biracial child more than life itself. Half of y’all only GOT with the white/Asian person you’re with FOR the gorgeous kids.

“I can’t wait to make you not pull out so I can give birth to the Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson that I deserve”

“I can’t wait to make you not pull out so I can give birth to the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson that I deserve”

For the record: I don’t think biracial kids are any cuter than black children or any children for that matter.

Ogly is ogly, beloved.

Miss me with this “dark girls don’t get love” bullshit you women are on. Niggas worshipped Nia Long for DECADES as well as Iman, Naomi Campbell, Angela Bassett, etc.

Fuck around and leave your man with Kelly Rowland for an hour since you're so confident in that theory. Nigga come home singing "Survivor" and smiling. #BeSafeTho

Fuck around and leave your man with Kelly Rowland for an hour since you’re so confident in that theory. Nigga come home singing “Survivor” and smiling. #BeSafeTho

I’m just saying that our grandparents love mixed kids for whatever civil rightsy reason they may have. That said, please don’t believe that some of these old Bahamian grandparents aren’t racist.

If there is ANY racism in the Bahamas it exists with some of our old ass Bahamians. The white expats/conchy joes that got way too used to owning human beings and whipping them and old black Bahamians that never forgot about them owning human beings and whipping THEM.

"..yeah Susan is dating a negro now. I guess that's check-mate"

“..yeah Susan is dating a negro now. I guess that’s check-mate”

The irony of it is they can’t stay racist long because inevitably their children/grandchildren end up dating outside of their race. Nothing brings my heart more joy than watching a grandmother taking her biracial grandkids to Wendy’s at 3:30 after school pick up. But it’s not just the elderly, sometimes it’s the youth amongst us as well.

There are a growing number of ultra pro-black folks that are trying to keep the black Bahamian race pure. Apparently they are scared that we’re going to run out of black people soon, I guess.

Dear Ankh/Pro Black niggas…..we’re fine.

One thing about Caribbean folks we are super good at not using condoms and being black. I promise the 5% of interracial couples on the island won’t dilute the black race. Also, maybe go talk to those Rastafarians around the corner before you bother with Lawrence and Diane.

“Hey….Bob Marley said to chase the crazy baldheads out of town. Clearly my gf has long hair so….shut up”

“Hey….Bob Marley said to chase the crazy baldheads out of town. Clearly my gf has long hair so….shut up”

And to all the people out there mad that people are dating outside of their race please understand it’s not personal….especially if you’re single. It’s not a black or white thing. It’s just that no one is on YOUR run.

I get it…it’s hard out here in these streets.

Lesbians are stealing dudes girls and half these husbands/boyfriends are sucking grown male penis on the low. Trump is president and things are upside down….I understand. But don’t let your self loathing get you twisted and have you hating interracial couples just because your life is screwed up.

“Not sure if I’m mad that she left me for a white man or upset that after 28years of dating I was JUST about to propose and she up and left for no reason. SMT…gals!!”

“Not sure if I’m mad that she left me for a white man or upset that after 28years of dating I was JUST about to propose and she up and left for no reason. SMT…gals!!”

And by the way, any stereotype you think about any other race is totally and completely false (sometimes).

No, not all black men have Mandingo dicks……Or is that just me?

(Shut up….I hate y’all)

Not all white men have little dicks. I have never seen a white dick in my life and had you asked me a few weeks ago I would have laughed and agreed. But then…

The thickest female in life is about to marry a nigga named Alexis Ohanian and you’re trying to tell me he not slinging wood? Watch your girl around Brenden and them is all I’m saying #StayWoke

The thickest female in life is about to marry a nigga named Alexis Ohanian and you’re trying to tell me he not slinging wood? Watch your girl around Brenden and them is all I’m saying #StayWoke

Bahamian men listen to me.

Stop looking at Serena and listen.

Not all white women are rich and want to be your sugar mama. TRUST ME. Get that off your mind.

Don’t look at me like that. Y’all know exactly what I’m talking about.

Y’all see a white chick roll up and because of these tourists you think all white women are ready and able to snatch you up, adopt you and your kids and take care of you forever.

Yes, I’m talking to all you jet ski dudes.

Those women were on vacation, beloved. EVERYONE is rich on vacation. Sooner or later they, as well as you, will have to go back to your shitty lives and pay bills.

Also please know that all Bahamian women are interchangeable. A Chinese Bahamian will cuss you out and possibly cut you the exact same way a black one will.

“Nigga I’m from Masons….play dumb with me, watch what happen."

“Nigga I’m from Masons….play dumb with me, watch what happen.”

Y’all have these females twisted thinking because they look different that they’re not us. They lost their virginity to a nigga in a Honda with 2 backwoods in his pocket the same way Lavontavia did.

And for you not black ladies: Not all of us are thugs. Please don’t expect Menace To Society when really most of us are Dawsons Creek ass niggas.

Shout outs to Pacey Witter. Realest nigga on the Creek #iOwnTheDVDs #JudgeYaMa #NoSeriouslyItsAnAwesomeShowMaybeConsiderWatchingItWhenYouHaveSomeTime

Shout outs to Pacey Witter. Realest nigga on the Creek #iOwnTheDVDs #JudgeYaMa #NoSeriouslyItsAnAwesomeShowMaybeConsiderWatchingItWhenYouHaveSomeTime

If his name is Wado or has a number/color in his name then by all means, get your adrenaline going and enjoy the ride(jail). But if you’re dating an Andrew, Ricardo or a Timothy…..understand that when the sun goes down we drive on the outskirts of town.

 “Ted you’re so boring. Cut through fox hill why you always wanna take Eastern Road? SMT #iBored #WadoTaughtMe"

“Ted you’re so boring. Cut through Fox Hill! why you always wanna take Eastern Road? Lets live a little! #iBored #WadoTaughtMe”

Nassau is changing right before our eyes. We now have a dense Asian population forming. Greeks, Filipinos, Haitians, Jamaicans, Indians, West Indians, Cubans, people from Man-O-War Cay…..countless strangers amongst us.

Frankly I think it’s a beautiful thing.

We’re becoming diverse and with diversity and dialogue comes understanding. If we’re to be the nation we want to be we have to accept change. It’s not the way it was back in ’02 when I brought my girl home. Now no one blinks an eye and that’s great.

Love who you love.

Be with whoever you want to be with because never forget: Trump is president, the robot apocalypse is coming and Rodney Moncur is in the senate. The world is probably going to end soon is all I’m saying. Don’t get caught up on stupid shit like race.

As for me?

I’m in love with a bald headed, black woman and she is my forever.

...get better, babygirl

Also…get better, babygirl

 

Stay(lovingly)Woke

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