by ANDREW

Mahalo from the hardest act to follow!

Heard y’all was talking shit.

Had a party and all after y’all defeated my babygirl. Oh I saw the videos. Big party when Minnis retained the title – wrought  with rake and scrape, free chicken and sweet soda. Y’all…of the vote no, scared of change in a pant suit, Trump supporting, put an S at the end of Green Parrot ilk. But I was told in Kingsway Academy assembly, repeatedly, that our God is an awesome God. I was also told that “sinners” everywhere would offer me drugs and marijuana for free and that never panned out so…..I guess they weren’t always right.

“I went outside again today and no one offered me free drugs or alcohol. In an unrelated matter can I borrow $20?”

“I went outside again today and no one offered me free drugs or alcohol. In an unrelated matter can I borrow $20?”

Wont he do it?

No no, not Jesus….I mean Minnis.

You don’t dance like you’re having a seizure AND get to be opposition leader. How do you lose your job…off air though? It pains me to use that expression but I feel like that’s exactly what happened. I was busy having a nice calm Wednesday when Sannie “watch the world burn” Dorsett changed her facebook status proclaiming his dismissal. Not ready to believe it, seeing as I honestly believe that most things she does are either to hurt me and me alone or to end human civilization since she’s a shepherd for the devil (stay woke), I went to the group chat to message Ricardo Wells, the false god, and he confirmed it. MY babygirl, my queen, and my everything was victorious in the end.

Look like she either about to defeat the oligarchy or drop the realest ensemble rap album of our generation

Look like she either about to defeat the oligarchy or drop the realest ensemble rap album of our generation

Its been a shitty year kids….we lost Prince but we got ourselves a Queen!

First the Arawak Cay totem get break up and now every morning I wake up somebody got a problem with Lo.

One half of my facebook is just straight up done with the election and Bahamian government in general and the next half is elated at the move and welcomes babygirl into the conversation. I even saw a dude ask to exchange citizenship so he can move. Cause now is a good time to be fat, slow and black in America he thinks.

lol.....K. Be safe tho

lol…..K. Be safe tho

 

Calm down children, the world isn’t ending. We all had work the next day, Bahamar still isnt open and Bamboo Shack is still out of conch.

Everything’s ok.

Now I’m biased, lets be clear. I don’t even follow politics or know the ins and outs of the system. As I said in previous articles, I’ve never voted a day in my life. Ya, I’m one of those Bahmians and what makes it worse is I’m hiding in plain sight seeing as usually people who don’t vote are either stuck up, annoying, or both.

“I never vote because I spent 8 days in Florida once and honestly I just feel like I belong in the States and Nassau is just too small for my dreams.”

“I never vote because I spent 8 days in Florida once and honestly I just feel like I belong in the States and Nassau is just too small for my dreams.”

Naw I’m not that guy.

I just never believed in any of the leaders they brought to the table. It has always been the same song and dance. It was less voting for change and more..

“Well that didn’t work so we better go back to that other thing that didn’t work 5 years ago but maybe they’ll be different this lap”.

But then L. Boogie came on the scene and changed my mind.

Lets be honest here people: Bahamians hate gals. Note, that’s not exclusive to Bahamian men…..the majority of male and female Bahamians hate gals and it boggles my mind. There used to be a time where I thought that that stance was conjecture and there was a chance that maybe I was wrong. Then y’all voted no in the referendum and cememnted that shit with the quickness.

“No baby you’re good enough to marry,teach and love my children, be my better half, work, cook, clean, and be my rock. I just don’t think you, my mother, daughter or sisters should be equal to me is all. K? “

“No baby you’re good enough to marry,teach and love my children, be my better half, work, cook, clean, and be my rock. I just don’t think you, my mother, daughter or sisters should be equal to me is all. Love you “

How any vote no dudes got laid after that blows my mind.

Shortly after that, Loretta was  defeated by Minnis and that more or less ended 2016 for me. But its always darkest before the dawn. Drake is about to drop “More Life” and my girlfriend becomes leader of the opposition? I don’t believe in coincidences that close to home, fam.

But, In the words of DCI John Luther; Now what?

Everybody please shut up and listen to me.  Yes I know its Friday and you’re jonsing for happy hour or to go cheat on your spouse for an hour or 2 and hey….godspeed… but this is important.

Guys, Trump is president.

Know why Trump is president? Ya, me neither. But what helped him was a country divided. We right now have a single focus in that Perry Christie is horrible at his job and his shuffle hasn’t been the same since Harambe died. We always knew that once his shuffle lost a step it would be time for him to step down. He don’t even care anymore. He just straight up says things and expects us to forget he said them the next day.

“Our government can not afford to keep your lights on or help Batelco be less shitty…..however, Beyonce, Jay Z and a hologram of Whitney Houston will be performing at next years carnival because VAT money baby!!”

“Our government can not afford to keep your lights on or help Batelco be less shitty…..however, Beyonce, Jay Z and a hologram of Whitney Houston will be performing at next years carnival because VAT money baby!!”

Understand, people, that I’m not even FNM. I’m affiliated with no party and I don’t vote. But we’ve been crying for change for years. I’ve heard you in the barbershops, liquor stores, bars, work….everywhere. Bitching and griping that you’re tired of the status quo. LBT is change staring you right in the face and if the people that made her opposition leader in the house can see that then why can’t you?

“Wait….does Andrew know she has a vagina and is not Hubert Ingram? This nigga drunk”

“Wait….does Andrew know she has a vagina and is not Hubert Ingram? This nigga drunk”

Yes, she doesn’t have a penis and yes she’s aggressive as shit…..or is she?

When Hubert Ingram “tells it like it is” he’s dominant: An alpha male that takes no nonsense and a born leader. When LBT raises her voice a decibel above sandwich making she’s a bitch and needs to know her place.

That’s not fair.

I know we’re not a country with equal rights or Chipotle but my god that doesn’t mean we cant give change a chance.

“Where y’all going with these healthy looking fries and grill chicken? I going to Popeyes!”

“Where y’all going with these healthy looking fries and grill chicken? I going to Popeyes!”

And yes, that’s what she brings to the table….Change.

She’s smart, she has a plan and she’s not gimmicky. Let’s not act like free tshirts and cheap beer didn’t help the PLP in the last election. If it’s one thing Bahamians love its poorly made, ill fitting tshirts they don’t have to pay for and loud blaring soca music while a politician makes vague promises they have no intention to keep.

That’s not her bag.

While Minnis was out at Arawak cay the night before the FNM election “campaigning”,  know where LBT was? With Dakarai and I doing a podcast discussing the issues and writing her name on my heart.

No she literally signed her name on my chest and I will never wash this shirt again because I sleep in it every night dreaming she was with me of reasons

No she literally signed her name on my chest and I will never wash this shirt again because I sleep in it every night dreaming she was with me of reasons

Now to be fair she’s a politician.

Politicians by definition are horrible people that take advantage of the proletariat one way or another. I don’t trust them and neither should you. My argument is not that she’s any less of a politician than the rest. I’m just saying at least she has an intelligent, thought out , not the same shit as always plan.

And yes, its come down to that.

I think God is playing a sick game with the world right now because we are literally faced with the same predicament America was and I fear that this country will make the same mistakes they did for the same reasons:

We. Hate. Gals.

Listen, you don’t have to like her. I get it: its hard to like someone who’s always running on about facts and policies that could take us to the future. It gets boring after a while. But we can’t keep this up…we just really can’t. We can’t keep being dealt the same cards and expecting to beat the house. Its time to shuffle the deck.We had a king, we had an ace and we had a Jack…maybe its time for a queen. And please don’t confuse my support for LBT with lust.

Lol…kidding. Its 100% lust.

Every time I look in her eyes Evanescence's "Wake me up inside" plays in my head. Is that weird?

Every time I look in her eyes Evanescence’s “Wake me up inside” plays in my head. Is that weird?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t say I told you so….cause I kinda did. I take 2.8% of the credit for her being made opposition leader.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I’m voting this lap.

I can’t claim to want change and not push for it. I encourage everyone to vote and yes I’m saying this because I’ve decided to. Why? Because if someone as horrible, stupid and disenfranchised as I am can see the way the world is going and make a conscious (sober) deicison to let my voice be heard then you really have no exuse.

… and, as for you Loretta….no no don’t worry. I haven’t put up a picture for couple sentences now so they stop reading lil while ago. No one reads this far without a picture to distract from the god awful writing.

Its just you and I now.

Look at me, beloved.

I think I’m spending my time with the wrong women. Since you signed my chest I haven’t been the same. But do I ever come up in discussion over double pump lattes and low fat muffins?

Do I?

Or is wanting what we have out of the question? You’re the only teacher I want to teach this lesson.

I’m gushing again….I do that when your name comes up.

Just know I’m rooting for you, babylove.

This will not be easy.

You will be tested.

Them parliament niggas are no better than the ones in these streets. They hate a female in power let alone one that speaks her mind. And I know you’re looking at whats going on in the world: Hilary lost, Kim Kardashian nervous cause her pension plan just went to mental rehab….its rough out there. But you are not a paper tiger. You are not a token female and you are not their pawn. You are the tiger he raised from a cub. You will be the tempest that tests the sails of these too safe ships in harbor.

And if you ever…

In name of Jesus look at me Loretta….

IF YOU EVER need a chest to lay on or a shoulder to cry on……..come through.

Key is under the mat, internet password is WUTANGFOREVER and there’s scotch in the freezer.

See you soon.

Stay(femininely) woke

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