By Drew

 

Black Friday and Cyber Monday are coming and, in typical Bahamian fashion, we are about to spend all of our money on American products that are way too expensive here in Nassau. Its almost obscene the difference in prices we pay and even more egregious are the excuses given by the vendors.

 “No I know computers are duty free but we have to pay the boat tax seeing as all the computers are made by oompa loompas from the actual land of OZ. That’s why its triple the price because magic and what not.”

“No I know computers are duty free but we have to pay the boat tax seeing as all the computers are made by oompa loompas from the actual land of OZ. That’s why its triple the price because magic and what not.”

 

Now I’m not one to fully support Bahamians. I have no use for a strawbag or a night out at the End(life)Zone. But if we’re going to support our people and give them a fair shake then here are a few Bahamians that are worthy of your hard earned coin/time.

 

Know who has been quietly killing the game and no one wants to bring it up?

The Greeks.

Yes I know….”they are taking over the island and not giving black Bahamians a chance at success”. Lets clean up that bag full of bullshit for a sec. Firstly lets not pretend like they aren’t Bahamian. I have it on good authority that all of them either went to QC or St Andrews and I know for a fact that all of them say “bey” pretty regularly. There’s nothing more Bahamian than saying “bey” in every sentence, going to an elitist private school and everyone else thinking you’re better than them. Unless you went to BBC which was only kind of a private school but not really.

 “You got kicked out of another school for murder punching your last teacher and I’m pretty sure you can’t spell your own name. Long as your check clears I think we have a place for you here playboy!”

“You got kicked out of another school for murder punching your last teacher and I’m pretty sure you can’t spell your own name. Long as your check clears I think we have a place for you here playboy!”

They are Bahamian.

I don’t care if they are blue in the face: If you’re born here then you’re my people. Also, lets keep it 100…..they are 6 for 6 at the moment. NOTHING these niggas put their hands on fails. Maybe check out Smugglers and have the calamari then lets see how fake angry you are.

 “Yes the government has disenfranchised its own citizens by keeping us down and not allowing us to invest in ourselves but you need to try this calamari fam. Let's be fake political on facebook lil later”

“Yes the government has disenfranchised its own citizens by keeping us down and not allowing us to invest in ourselves but you need to try this calamari fam. Let’s be fake political on facebook lil later”

Oh and also shouts to Kallis Kitchens who low-key doesn’t know she feed all of 10YS that one time we had a super important meeting. They have mastered the art of ambience, a safe environment and bomb ass food. But if going out isn’t your thing and you prefer a quiet night at home then there are a few blogs you may wanna follow (to keep the loneliness at bay).

Its Friday and not everyone wants to be in a club blasting Soca all night. Sometimes you just wanna stay home, get  glass of scotch and stalk your ex on facebook to make sure they are as sad as you are listen to some good music.

That’s where The Chill comes in.

Farrah and Greg (a happily married couple…..in 2016….ya, weird right?) bring out a weekly music podcast featuring the latest in emo hiphop, R&B, POP, Neo Soul etc. It’s the perfect music for chilling out (pardon the pun) or making private school children.

His parents were obviously listening to Meek Mill when they made him.

His parents were obviously listening to Meek Mill when they made him.

Remember when all we had was 104.5FM and Eddie da Virgo would come on on a Sunday. He would play all that baby making music which gave Bahamian men license to take their sweetheart for a drive and somehow convince her that, because Luther Vandross said so, she might as well stay “if only for one night”? It’s the same energy only you’re on the internet, you’re probably alone and chances are you’re about to make a few mistakes.

man-lying-on-the-bed-holding-mobile-phone-y0umfobkctleff5kermlqa

“The Chill got me in my feelings tonight. Better text 5 girls I kinda like and tell them I miss them and wish they were here”

But maybe music isn’t your thing and you prefer to learn something new….then Shift the Culture is for you.

Listen to me…..no seriously, you need to hear this.

No one….NO ONE loves entrepreneurship and Bahamian progression more than Travis Miller and his crew. These niggas don’t sleep good unless they know they changed someone’s mind about small business or marketing strategies. Now to be fair Travis is prone to brilliance seeing as he’s a product of THE Kingsway Academy which is the best school on the island in case y’all forgot.

We may not do well in sports, have no real way to justify why the fees are so expensive and have been on the brink of getting a pool for the better part of 40 years now but we are excellent readers. I can’t swim but I is read dead good so…...shut up

We may not do well in sports, have no real way to justify why the fees are so expensive and have been on the brink of getting a pool for the better part of 40 years now but we are excellent readers. I can’t swim but I is read dead good so……shut up

 

Shift the culture does weekly video podcasts and meet ups discussing business ideas, marketing, networking, brand development etc. And yes, these are all college grads or people that have actually started businesses from the ground up speaking to you so it’s not some rich old men steering you towards what seems like a prosperous future but its really a dark terrible abyss.

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Then there are the creatives. A word I just recently had stapled to my brain because “Artistic” was too pedestrian a term I guess.

No one is more creative than Barry Williams.

Barry Williams (of Barry Williams photography) is arguably the best photographer on the island hands down. To be fair, he’s also my cousin so I am a bit biased.

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We look exactly alike…..just imagine him less handsome and add 200lbs and we’re pretty much the same person

But if you think I’m overselling it go check out his work. He makes mundane surroundings look like goddamn Narnia with the angles he chooses. And we all know it’s nothing a well dressed Bahamian loves more than taking a good ass picture near that Bahamar lake.

“Barry come snap me and this gal by this good ass lake. I bout to burn Instagram to the floor when I post these pictures....likes for days!”

“Barry come snap me and this gal by this good ass lake. I bout to burn Instagram to the floor when I post these pictures….likes for days!”

Let’s be honest, it’s hard to sell “I want to be a photographer” to your parents.

Shit, in Nassau it’s hard to sell “I want to be a doctor” half the time.

"Med School? You know how much med school cost? What type asue you think I in? You better wait for Bahamar to open!”

“Med School? You know how much med school cost? What type asue you think I in? You better wait for Bahamar to open!”

But somehow Barry took his love for photography and art and not only made his dream come true but made a living from it. When you love what you do it shows in your work and Barry Williams clearly loves his job. No but seriously guys there are other places other than Bahamar Boulevard and the cloisters to take pictures I promise.

Then there’s those companies that sell hope.

For so long now we’ve labored under the delusions that government agencies have sold us. Our leaders told us to believe and support Bahamians but I have a question for them: what if specific Bahamians shitty at their jobs? We supported them as much as we can and then when the divorce rate hit an all time high due to BEC cutting out every 15 minutes and BTC not sending through crucial “I’m by John watching the game with the guys and def not cheating on you” texts, we realized it was time for a change.

Then came BPL.

Lol…Just kidding….they are also shitty.

Then came Aliv.

Ok, for the laymen, it’s not NewCo. NewCo was short for New Company which they were/are but now their official name is Aliv. Yes I know it doesn’t have an E. Yes its still pronounced like it has an E. I promise that’s not important though. Whats more important is their data service…..we need to talk about that.

Know how BTC’s data is….um…horrible? Yeah so I made the switch and Aliv’s data is basically Drake and BTC’s data is Meek Mill sending another passive aggressive tweet. On top of this you get to send a broadcast message to everyone on your phone. Know why this is crucial? It makes everyone who gets this message believe that you’re thinking about them and want them to contact you….and gals. And in case you doubt my words feel free to ask anyone else that tried their service. Or just ask BTC who has been overcompensating for being the worst at their jobs for years by giving away deals like crazy. Every time I see a new ad I feel like an ex is trying to win me back with false promises.

“Yes I know I stole all your data, minutes and money. Yes I did zero to be better at loving you while manipulating you into thinking I would always be the only service provider. Yes I’m still shitty at present. But looka all these free incoming calls from landlines though….I know you like free incoming calls from landlines, baby”

“Yes I know I stole all your data, minutes and money. Yes I did zero to be better at loving you while manipulating you into thinking I would always be the only service provider. Yes I’m still shitty at present. But looka all these free incoming calls from landlines though….I know you like free incoming calls from landlines, baby”

And don’t believe any nonsense you hear about Whatsapp or Viber or Skype being exclusive to BTC, that’s untrue and here’s the important thing… THAT’S NOT HOW THE INTERNET WORKS!

Really, niggas?

You took it there? Y’all haven’t been this low since you tripled everyones top up before Hurricane Matchew then took it all away the second the storm cleared up.

Plenty people feelings got hurt when they *200# their phones after Matchew

They know it’s only 3 things we Bahamians love: Our moms, fried chicken at a reasonable price and whatsapp.

That’s just facts.

Now I’ll admit, Aliv has been throwing shots at BTC but….that’s what competition is, and you know who it’s good for?

Us. The consumers.

Their competition is going to be great for us. We finally have competition on the island and not just competition but a better product. They are offering better plans, better service and better customer care. And yes I know for a lot of you change is weird. You don’t want to trust a new company because BTC has been there you’re whole life and they are the devil you know. And that’s ok.

Honestly, truly.

If you like your data constantly going from H, to 4G to 3G to nothing all day then that’s ok. But I’m sorry I need these dick pics pictures of the sunset to go out at lightning speed. The only problem I have with Aliv is niggas won’t be able to lie to their girls anymore and that was a key point with BTC that we always cherished. Can’t be telling gals “man Aliv was acting up”….they too new and they’re doing shit like “unlimited minutes”. That’s a huge problem for niggas that use BTC as a cheating crutch.

Now every wife and gf on the island is about to get their husband/bf Aliv phones.

“This nigga think it’s a game. Can’t blame BTC no more when I catch you slipping and this murder suicide go down.”

“This nigga think it’s a game. Can’t blame BTC no more. #PlayWithMe #AllMyLifeIHadToFight”

Plus they’re giving you guys a free concert featuring 20 Bahamian artists. Last time BTC gave us something free it was free texts because everyone knows Bahamians LOVE normal texting.

That’s how we feel about your 500 free texts, BTC

In the end I know we aren’t perfect.

We’re a small country trying to do the best we can with what we have. But when we strip away the tourism, banking, and politics all we have is ourselves.

Our people.

I may not always like the direction our country is going but I believe in us. When I see the Travis Millers launch a business or folks like Barry Williams make magic out of nothing it gives me hope. When I hear that Greg and Farrah listen to the same music I do or go out to Smugglers and have a pretty solid night on the patio it lets me know that we’re not so far gone. That we’re ok and that the future is in good hands. I will always support hard working and culture changing Bahamians that are, despite all odds, moving forward.

And, to the scorpio in my life that just turned 100 (my battlecat)….Happy Birthday and I love you! #Yours.

What a time to be……

You know the rest.

 

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