by ANDREW WILLIAMS

The first week of the NBA season is normally a snooze fest. Too many players show up out of shape, there are players who are angry about their contract situation or their other business ventures. We’re typically treated to lots of blown layups, missed threes and poor passes. Most people don’t notice this as they’re too busy watching the NFL and MLB playoffs, but this year was certainly different. There was no love-fest to be had this year and it seems that every team started off in mid-season form, with playoff levels of hostility to the reporters and opposing teams. Everyone’s angry and as NBA fans, we’re way better off for it. NBA players are being driven to prove their value on a daily basis and there’s no rest for the wicked in this digital age. With the widest open MVP race in recent memory and the 2nd to 8th seeds in both conferences up for grabs, players and teams are not easing themselves in this season but chasing after their goals from the get go.

“Tell us why you’re mad” All-Stars

LeBron James and Kyrie Irving

They’ve spent all offseason basking as NBA champions and motivating themselves in different ways.  It’s hard to get jazzed up for another sleepwalk season when you know you’re going to the NBA finals but deep down you know it irks LeBron and Kyrie that nobody thinks they can defend as NBA champions. Then the biggest troll of them all, Adam Silver, had the audacity to schedule the only “Superteam” of the East to face them in the season opener. I’m pretty sure LeBron looked at the Knicks depth chart before the game smirked and told the rest of the team “I’m going to Qdoba for lunch”. He promptly insulted the rest of the world to start the season. Threw up a triple double in 32 minutes, blocked Derrick Rose (one of his favorite pastimes) and spent the rest of the game working on his handshake routine. There’s no doubt  know the Cavs are gunning for the league’s best record and making the Quicken Loans Arena as inhospitable as possible for visiting teams.

Meanwhile, Kyrie has spent the entire offseason practically watching every other NBA point guard getting praised with very few lines typed about his ascendancy into the NBA’s elite. How quickly NBA writers forget that he knifed through the heart of the Golden State Warriors defenses with dribble drives, step backs and long threes. He feels in his heart that he’s the best PG in the NBA and he’s dead set on proving that this season.  On opening night he dropped 29 points in 30 minutes which means he’s well on his way to achieving the much needed efficiency to ascend to MVP candidate.

Damian Lillard and Russell Westbrook

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Every game will be a battle for “chip on your shoulder supremacy”

Two players cut from the same cloth. Westbrook is experiencing, one year later, the departure of Kevin Durant what Lillard went through with the departure of LaMarcus Aldridge (and everyone else). They’re both bitter and angry.

 

Both Durant and Aldridge intimated that they believed they couldn’t win with either of them so they decided that the best revenge is living well. Lillard and Westbrook feel betrayed by how they have been perceived by the media and are staunch loyalists to their team and city.  Damian Lillard gets extra angry man points for being named to the All NBA 2nd team despite not being selected as an NBA All Star.

Lillard Game 1 Stats: 39 points, 9 rebounds and 6 assists

Westbrook Game 1 Stats: 32 points, 12 rebounds and 9 assists

Kevin Durant and Draymond Green

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Probably clowning Derozan’s hairline at this very moment. Jerks.

Yes people dislike the Warriors but they really hate Kevin Durant and Draymond Green.  Despising players are each person’s choice but it’s really silly to dislike a player solely because he went to another team in free agency or because he’s a loudmouth and dirty player. Neither of which is unique in the NBA. The Warriors might have lost their opening game but Durant and Draymond went out of their way to prove that they could not be blamed. Draymond gets extra angry man points for his mom having his back.

Kevin Durant Game 1 Stats: 27 points, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 blocks and steals

Draymond Green Game 1 Stats: 18 points, 12 rebounds, six assists, 5 steals and 1 block

Paul George and Anthony Davis

The Derrick Rose injury had two unfortunate side effects. The first is that is made the “Derrick Rose” rule a cautionary tale rather than something a NBA front office wants to experience and secondly, it has devalued people’s perceptions of elite players who suffer untimely injuries.  Paul George who was fresh off battling LeBron in the playoffs when he broke his leg two seasons ago, had to be irked with all the attention Kawhi Leonard and Klay Thompson has to be getting as two way players. Now, nobody is saying that this praise is not deserved praise but Paul George was basically the player they modeled their defensive games after. Anthony Davis has been similarly discarded while other pundits curry favor with Karl Anthony-Towns. Both players are seeking to dispel the myths that their injuries have robbed them of their MVP potential. Anthony Davis gets bonus angry man points as I’m sure he was looking to impress the 10th year seniors staff since we were there to record Buddy Hield’s NBA debut.

Paul George Game 1 Stats: 25 points, 8 rebounds and 6 assists

Anthony Davis Game 1 Stats:  50 points, 16 rebounds, 5 assists, 7 steals and 4 blocks (How did they lose again?)

James Harden, Dwayne Wade and DeMar DeRozan

Three shooting guards with three crater sized holes in their games (defense, three point shooting and three point shooting respectively). Harden and DeRozan player received outlandish contract extensions and they both arguably received All NBA snubs last year. Wade  has spent the better part of the last two season aging into “vino” while the Heat and rest of the world were too ready to discard him for being too old. Wade made seven three pointers last season and went 4 of 6 from downtown on opening night.

Really, the world is too focused on the one thing that they can’t (or refuse to) do and instead should be focused on their less than aesthetically pleasing ways that they score.

DeMar DeRozan Game 1 Stats: 40 points, 4 rebounds and 1 steals and block

James Harden Game 1 Stats: 34 points, 8 rebounds, 17 assists and 1 steal

Dwayne Wade Game 1 Stats: 22 points, 6 rebounds, 5 assists and 1 block

Kawhi Leonard

Kawhi Leonard is a robot who does not feel any emotions.

Game 1 Stats: 35 points, 5 rebounds, 3 assists and 5 steals.

 

Tells us why you’re mad Centers

DeMarcus Cousins, Jonas Valanciunas, Jusuf Nurkic and Joel Embiid

Four old school, back to the basket bruisers are here to prove that they have a place in the NBA. They all have injury concerns. Each of their teams showed their confidence in them by drafting their replacements (Willy Cauley-Stein, Georgios Papagiannis, Jakob Poetl, Nikola Jokic and Jahlil Okafor). They’re simultaneously playing for their own and every center’s place in the NBA.

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It’s what a career in Sacramento does to you

DeMarcus Cousins Game 1 Stats: 24 points, 6 rebounds, 2 assists and 1 steal

Jonas Valanciunas Game 1 Stats: 32 points, 11 rebounds and 1 assist

Jusuf Nurkic Game 1 Stats: 23 points, 9 rebounds and 3 assists

Joel Embid Game 1 Stats: 20 points, 7 rebounds and 1 block

 

Tell us why you’re mad youngsters

Michael Kidd Gilchrist, Rodney Hood and D’Angelo Russell

The NBA has fundamentally changed in the last five years to the pace and space era. The “3 and D” wings are all the vogue now as well as being able to score and create from the perimeter. MKG is an accomplished defender, unfortunately, he has spent the better part of his NBA career being injured so he has not had a lot of on court experience to refine his jump shot. He also prematurely signed a contract extension for about 40 million less than he would have been paid and promptly saw Nicholas Batum take his role and money last season.

Rodney Hood’s boring and plays in Utah which makes him twice as boring. His “boring” is actually “dependable” as he plays with the slow and confident assuredness of a ten year veteran (think the Dwyane Wade of the last 3 years). He’s the rare player to come out of Duke that nobody hates nor remembers and he’s out to prove that he’s the best young SG in the NBA.

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We’re going to enjoy every minute of Russell being a villian

D’Angelo Russell spent his rookie season having his development stunted by Byron Scott and Kobe Bryant, dangled in trade talks for Demarcus Cousins and his free time spy harding on Swaggy P. He’s here to remind us that he was the 2nd overall pick in the NBA last year for a reason. The man with ice in his veins sealed Luke Walton’s maiden victory as head coach of the Lakers with a clutch three and loose ball steal.

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist Game 1 Stats: 23 points, 14 rebounds, 1 steal and block

Rodney Hood Game 1 Stats: 26 points, 2 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 steals and 1 block

D’Angelo Russell Game 1 Stats: 20 points, 1 rebound, 3 assists and 1 steal

 

 

 

 

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