by RENALDO and SANNIE

Week 1 Awards

The “I Have No Business Being This Good This Early” Award presented by the debut of the Yeezy 350 and 750 cleats – Carson Wentz. In his NFL debut he went 22-37 for 278 yards and two touchdowns. No one saw that coming.

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Wearing these to the club…just like this

The “Sometimes It’s Better To Shut Up…Even If It’s Your Job To Talk” Award presented by Lil Wayne’s appearance on Undisputed – Trent Dilfer. Not only did Dilfer firmly entrench himself on the wrong side of history with the worst anti-Kap argument any of us have ever heard, he doubled down by saying that in his own career as a backup, he did an excellent job of shutting up and doing as he was told.

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Dilfer just looks like he’s ready to call Kap a “bWoy”

 

The “This Could Go From Bad To Worse In A Heartbeat” Award presented by the week from hell for the Hillary Clinton campaign – The entire Browns organisation. You’re already the Browns and you follow that up with a loss to a rookie quarterback in his debut while also losing your new “star” quarterback for at least 10 games. I won’t ask what else could go wrong because Josh Gordon isn’t back on the field yet.

Sep 11, 2016; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Cleveland Browns quarterback Robert Griffin III (10) gathers himself on the ground after injuring his shoulder against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field. The Eagles defeated the Browns, 29-10. Mandatory Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

This is what his statue outside the stadium at Baylor should look like

 

 

Week 2

New York Jets at Buffalo Bills

RENALDO: In a perfect world, they both lose. That’s not the world we occupy. In this world, Donald Trump has a legit shot at becoming President of the United States, The Pats look the same with Gronk or Brady and Bahamar gets to keep its lights on while we suffer through awful service and higher electricity rates. Someone has to win.

JETS over Bills

 

SANNIE: Who would I ever pick Buffalo over New York? Still waiting on my New York dream to come true by the way. Just putting it out there.

JETS over Bills

 

San Francisco 49ers at Carolina Panthers

RENALDO: Is Blaine Gabbert the only quarterback that can win a game 28-0 and trend downward? He’s as awful as Carlos Hyde is great. Carolina’s run defence has a lot to prove after they were owned by CJ Anderson, but I wouldn’t bet on that happening.The Panthers have two concerns at this point in the season, keeping Cam upright and not leaving the game in the hands of Graham Gano.

PANTHERS over Niners

SANNIE: Even though my boo lost last week, I am still going to ride with him. #Camoveverything

PANTHERS over Niners

 

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Racial Slurs

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Bashaud Breeland’s “current situation” the entire night chasing Antonio Brown. Now he’s got Dez Bryant to worry about

SANNIE: Of course I’m going to choose Dallas, it’s a hop skip and a jump away from the birthplace of Queen Beyonce.

COWBOYS over Racial Slurs

 

RENALDO: It’s a good thing this game won’t be close enough for Terrance Williams’ “newborn baby like awareness” to play a factor in the outcome. A few things here work in the Cowboys favour – the Racial Slurs looked feeble against the running game, Dak Prescott looked like a guy in command of the offence and if all else fails all he has to do is go at the “Whoever vs. Breeland” matchup all day. Trust me it works.
COWBOYS over Racial Slurs

 

Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers

RENALDO: This game is just not the same without Vontaze Burfict. Sure he’s always the villain but you need the villain every story .Without the Joker, Batman would’ve just been a weirdo in long johns with PTSD running amuck in Gotham. Aside from the obvious cheap shots, late hits and almost fights that we know won’t turn into a fight…what I’m looking forward to is the Antonio Brown vs. AJ Green matchup. No they won’t play against each other but that never stopped us from hyping up the Brady Manning matchups.

BENGALS over Steelers

SANNIE: Andy Dalton looks very scary. It’s almost kind of serial killer-ish . I’ll pass. STEELERS over Bengals

 

New Orleans Saints at New York Giants

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Trust that ‘stache at your own peril

RENALDO: Drew Brees threw seven touchdowns last year against this Giants defence. In one game. At this time it’s only right that I remind myself and all Dolphin fans that our organisation once thought it was a better idea to sign Daunte Culpepper over Drew Brees. I’m not sure if Culpepper threw seven touchdowns as a Dolphin. I digress…Ben McAdoo is far too evil to allow that to happen again. No you’re thinking of the NBA Hall of Famer, not that guy…Ben McAddo, the New Giants head coach sporting the vitange 70s porn ‘stache. I wouldn’t trust that guy with anything, but I’ve learned that people with those traits make for insanely great football coaches.

GIANTS over Saints

SANNIE: The Saints let the Raiders beat them and caused Eddie to be happy. They are on time out. GIANTS over Saints.

 

Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots

SANNIE: Last week, I tried so hard to be a good wife, but the Dolphins caused me, so this week I’m going to follow my brain and Tom Brady.

PATS over Dolphins

 

RENALDO: Kenny Stills made one great play last week, kneeling during the national anthem. After that it was all downhill from there. Stills’ ineptitude aside, there was a lot to hate about Miami’s week one performance – Tannehill playing like more of a rookie than any of the actual rookies, the line allowing four sacks and this team still wearing this playful turquoise that intimidates no one. On the flipside, the Patriots continue to trot out anyone in the world and Bill Belichick continues to make it work. Watch when he changes the settings on his “players nobody wants” app from “white wide receivers” to “white cornerbacks.” It’ll be great.
DOLPHINS over Pats
Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans

SANNIE: Beyonce’s Birthplace.

TEXANS over Chiefs

RENALDO: It’s hard not to buy into the Chiefs after last week’s comeback. That may have been the death knell in the “Alex Smith as a game manager” premise. This Texans team is much different than the one who got dominated 30-0 in last year’s Wild Card game. Swap out Brian Hoyer, Alfred Blue and Cecil Shorts III with The Brockweiler, Lamar Miller and Will Fuller and it makes a difference. Enough of a difference to win this time around.

TEXANS over Chiefs
Tennessee Titans at Detroit Lions

RENALDO: The Lions’ running game was impressive last week. I thought this team would roll over for a robust 2-14 season, but their backfield came out and rushed for 229 yards and three touchdowns. As bad as the Titans offence looked in week one, their defence didn’t allow a touchdown and AP was limited to just 31 yards.

TITANS over Lions

 

SANNIE: Marcus Mariota is kind of cute, in a nerdy sort of way.

TITANS over Lions

 

Baltimore Ravens at Cleveland Browns

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Life is all about perspective

RENALDO: RGIII being hurt trying to scramble for a meaningless first down in a game long decided late in a fourth quarter is perhaps the most RGIII way to be placed on injured reserve. It’s almost as if the Browns receive none of the residual effects of LeBron ending the city’s curse. It’s good to have these loveable losers back though. The Cleveland Browns are on the clock.

RAVENS over Browns

 

SANNIE: Like I said last week, I gave up the Brown, and the Browns

RAVENS over Browns

 

Seattle Seahawks at Los Angeles Rams

RENALDO: Ok, on second thought maybe the Rams are on the clock. After almost losing to the Dolphins, how disgusted were the Seahawks this week? They swapped out Taniela Tupou for Will Tukuafu at fullback. The Rams are in (even more) trouble.

SEAHAWKS over Rams

 

SANNIE: Heyyyyyyyyyyyy Russell

SEAHAWKS over Rams

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Arizona  Cardinals

RENALDO: I’m a huge fan of Bruce Arians’ leadership style. Arians didn’t make generalisations when voicing his displeasure on his team’s play. He called out people by name. Anyone was a target – Robert Nkemdiche, Justin Bethel, Chandler Jones, DJ Swearinger, but he should have called out the entire secondary. It’s easy to write off Jameis Winston’s four touchdown performance against a weak Atlanta defence, but the Cards’ defence is supposed to be legit. I use legit loosely because they just lost at home to a Pats team without Brady or Gronk.

CARDS over Bucs

SANNIE: I have to go against my brother, since he is rooting for me to lose and all. CARDS over Bucs

 

Jacksonville Jaguars at San Diego Chargers

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Bortles service on deck

RENALDO: What’s weird about the Jaguars is that they run more play actions than any other team in the league…but have an awful running game. Bortles and the passing game were on point last week, but the Jags gained just 48 yards on the ground in 26 attempts. That was against a Packers defence not known for stopping the run. The Chargers got a head start on the gut punching loss they usually reserved for December and January. Not only did they get that on opening day, but they lost Keenan Allen before his breakout season could get started.
JAGS over Chargers
SANNIE: Well since both of these teams lost last week, I’m going to just go with the Jaguars.

JAGS over Chargers

 

Atlanta Falcons at Oakland Raiders

RENALDO: Sources say Jack Del Rio walked around the team’s facility shouting “Raiders!” at team personnel. Not in the “I support my organisation and our prospects for the future” kind of way, but in the “Bahamian 90s gang member” kind of way. Either one means this should be a very interesting season in Oakland.
RAIDERS over Falcons

 

SANNIE: Like I would ever choose the Raiders FALCONS over Raiders

 

Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos

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A live look at CJ Anderson when he saw the Colts D next on the schedule

RENALDO: How excited is CJ Anderson for this game. After watching Ameer Abdullah and Theo Riddick basically play on Rookie mode last week, Anderson has to figure he can get at least 200 yards and three touchdowns. It’ll be interesting to see if the Broncos’ style of play changes this week after Darian Stewart and Brandon Marshall were fined for their hits on Cam Netwon in week one. It’ll also be interesting to see if the Colts have advanced to the practical application of defence yet….or still sticking with theory.
COLTS over Broncos
SANNIE: The Broncos beat my boo last week, even though I should be loyal and not choose them, I also want to win.

BRONCOS over Colts

 

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings

RENALDO: It took two defensive touchdowns for Shaun Hill to get a win. I’ll never be sold on him.

PACKERS over Vikings
SANNIE: Since I have recently started watching Vikings again, I’m going to go with them but honestly, I don’t know the difference in these teams.

VIKINGS over Packers

 

Philadelphia Eagles at Chicago Bears

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Confidence is giving yourself two thumbs up

RENALDO: That Carson Wentz thing just happened and it happened right away. The Bears couldn’t protect Jay Cutler and allowed five sacks. Conner Barwin and Mychal Kendricks aren’t JJ Watt and Jadeveon Clowney but it doesn’t take much to force Jay Cutler into being…himself.

BEARS over Eagles

 

SANNIE: A bear is obviously tougher than an Eagle.

BEARS over Eagles

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