By Drew

One afternoon I was dropping Dakarai to the airport and during a lull in the conversation he looked outside pensively and then said to me, “The Bahamas is a beautiful place ya know…..but n***as, man!”. That struck a chord with me.

I’m not a fool.

I’m fully aware that my articles or “blog posts” aren’t for everyone. If there’s one thing I know it’s that we agree on some level. On some level you and I are alike and we understand each other. Know how I know? Y’all don’t even share my articles with just anyone. No no, you share it with other likeminded people.

"HondaLeKeisha, Camrydenay, Leafo, Lil Shotgun Killer....oh wait, Karen. I'll send this to Karen. She reads and shit just like me!"

“HondaLeKeisha, Camrydenay, Leafo, Lil Shotgun Killer….oh wait, Karen. I’ll send this to Karen. She reads and shit just like me!”

We exist in, what in nassau can only be considered, the shadows. We know each other’s faces but not names.  It’s time we acknowledge that, if we were to break this island down by the numbers….we are the 7% and we are the chosen few.

90% of the Bahamas is Niggas.

I think that’s a more than fair sentiment.

Yes, y'all are niggas too Abaco and surrounding white settlements. Y'all almost MORE ghetto than us....but I digress

Yes, y’all are niggas too Abaco and surrounding white settlements. Y’all almost MORE ghetto than us….but I digress

When I say niggas I mean ignorant, backwards, ghetto to varying degrees, voted no, free t shirt loving, gold tooth sporting and no edges having ass niggas.

Males AND females.

Some may think that 90% is a bit much but let’s look at the stats people: Absolutely a lot of free thinking educated people voted no in the last referendum. But they had reasons and arguments that you could rationalize and argue with to at least SOME degree. Niggas? Not so much.

 "Truin I vote no cause the man on the radio say the gays ga get married and live their own lives behind closed doors and ine like that. Plus the Bible"

“Truin I vote no cause the man on the radio say the gays ga get married and live their own lives behind closed doors and ine like that. Plus the Bible”

The no vote was overwhelming. Niggas came out in droves and left the vote yes folks overwhelmed.

Please don’t confuse me, that same 90% is in our families, they’re our friends and statistically you work with at least 10-12 of them. No one is saying that some of them aren’t good people. I’m just saying that we need to be honest about the way The Bahamas is sectioned off.

Think about it: When Dr. Minnis did that…”dance”… during the FNM convention there were 2 reactions.

Niggas was like,

“Go head Minnis! Dance that light-skin plan-for-the-future-having-ass chick out the party!”

The rest of us were like…

“Um…is this nigga for real dancing? Y’all know Clinton them doing actual debates right?”

See the difference? We have to admit that we are not the same.

So what’s the other percentages you ask?

Well, by my math, 3% of Nassau is either rich, old, politicians or supremely weird and don’t come out of their homes like ever. That or they’re a combination of all of those things. Oh you know who I mean, don’t play dumb. That’s that crew with the rich parents that afforded them the luxury to travel to Africa/around the world, come back, and then judge us for not being in tune with our “black self” and the trials and tribulations of black folks around the world. They’re the ones always complaining about important Bahamian social injustices, like our lack of knowledge of the black struggle or why Bahamians like to call people fat that were once not fat.

"I've been all over the world, done things you peasants could never dream of doing and I have read like so many books and just because I gain 100lbs now i'm "fat"? You people are so uncultured!"

“I’ve been all over the world, done things you peasants could never dream of doing and I have read.. like… so many books and just because I gain 127lbs now i’m “fat”? You people are so uncultured!”- lol.. Naw you just fat now.

Or they’re uber rich, live out the outskirts of the island or lyford cay and just don’t fuck with anything “in town”. They have 0 clue as to what’s going on in Nassau nor do they care.

 "Trevor, my wife has the Bentley so could you scurry to this place named "Kellys" or something or the other and buy us some lunch? It's Kellys that sells that chicken you people like right?"

“Trevor, my wife has the Bentley so could you scurry to this place named “Kellys” or something or the other and buy us some lunch? It’s Kellys that sells that chicken you people like right?”

God bless them.

This crew rarely if ever affects our lives as they just tend to keep to themselves. They’re useful when the time comes I guess but usually it’s just in fleeting moments when it’s convenient for them and really that’s quite fine.

Then there’s us, the 7%.

We are the rational and we are the pragmatic. We make an honest wage and drink (semi)responsibly. Every morning we look at the newspaper and low-key smirk because we know we will, once again, not be in it.

"4 shot through Illiterate Lane after 3am on a Tuesday? Boy, good thing I was home before 10pm not getting shot and sleeping before work!"

“4 shot through Illiterate Lane after 3am on a Tuesday? Boy, good thing I was home before 10pm not getting shot and sleeping before work!”

We don’t notice it, we don’t even acknowledge it really. We all just run in the exact same circle and, speaking for the guys, we give that familiar head nod of, “I’ve seen you everywhere before and you definitely won’t start a fight on this hallowed ground.” And even if we don’t know each other we just run a quick check.

For men its…

"Looks like he just came from work. Obviously he showers. And he's alone and not with 12 niggas packed in a honda coupe. Ok he's safe to drink around"

“Looks like he just came from work. Obviously he showers. And he’s alone and not with 12 niggas packed in a honda coupe. Ok he’s safe to drink around”

 

 

And women…

"Not overdressed, has manners, nails aren’t her number of kids in inches and used the word "hence" in the right context. She's safe"

“Not overdressed, has manners, nails aren’t her number of kids in inches and used the word “hence” in the right context. She’s safe”

Every one of us runs this check and the minute someone looks out of place its like a nigga pulling up to a klan rally. We’re protective of our circle and with good reason: There aren’t many places in Nassau where “we” can go without incident and that’s just fact.

Every Friday there is a small group of us that say the same exact thing, “Where we goin tonight?”. It’s said out of frustration because there are limited places to go in Nassau without the fear of getting “feel up” on the dance floor or “shot up” in the parking lot. If we were to segregate our whatsapps and snaps we’ll see that there is a small majority of us with the exact same itch.

 "Ok so we been Green Parrot last week. Maybe Plantation but that so far man and Compass Point Worse. Via lil sketchy as of late so maybe Pirates Pub and go from there?" Spoiler alert: They went to Olives"

“Ok so we been Green Parrot last week. Maybe Plantation but that so far man and Compass Point Worse. Via lil sketchy as of late so maybe Pirates Pub and go from there?” Spoiler alert: They went to Olives

I remember when I first came back home and was in my clubbing phase, we had 2 options: Aura or Bambu. That was it. Every Friday night my cousin Kenny and I would beat around the bush as in where to go as if the answer wasn’t always Pirates Pub for wings and then Bambu.

EVERY.

FRIDAY.

NIGHT.

RIP Pirates Pub. If anyone ever finds that Haitian girl that does the wings...tell her I love her and that she's important to me

RIP Pirates Pub. If anyone ever finds that Haitian girl that does the wings…tell her I love her and that she’s important to me

Oh initially you hate your life, bitch and complain but then the wings and liquor set in and in your mind Bambu has never been this much fun. It was a safe haven because of one trick the ownership realized: Niggas don’t like house music.

 "No bey thas that club what is don't play Vybez Cartel like at all. Thas that likin man "Vote yes" crew. Lets go to that spot where lil Prickle got murdered couple hours ago....so that way we won't like man like the others"

“No bey thas that club what is don’t play Vybez Cartel like at all. Thas that likin man “Vote yes” crew. Lets go to that spot where lil Prickle got murdered couple hours ago….so that way we won’t like man like the others”

 

Now, to be fair, no one REALLY likes house music to that extent and Bambu does try and pepper in some hip hop in between (insert name of house music artist here). But that never lasts long as Johnny seems to get nervous when more than 1 hip hop song is played back to back. Say what you like about it though, it kept the niggas in the streets and the ladies in the sheets.

“Black guy in Bambu with flip flops on? You were the exact amount of black I needed in me this evening”

“Black guy in Bambu with flip flops on? You were the exact amount of black I needed in me this evening”

 

I have never seen a serious fight break out in Aura. Its usually just some drunk tourists or 2 private school guys pretending to not have a stable home in Winton.

Seen above: Kingsway student vs St. Andrews student

I bring up the social scene because understand 90% of Nassau won’t go to the places we go and the other 3% are either old, disenfranchised with Nassau in general or they’re rich as shit and going to those weird “Eyes Wide Shut” parties that I assume they have in Lyford Cay. And when it comes to sex I think we all should realize that the 7% is a pretty incestuous bunch  but we have no choice considering the alternative.

Look at your friends list.

No seriously, run through it.

Chances are someone from 10th Year Seniors has had sex with a female on your friends list.

Oh it works both ways though. I have dated females that took down my friends and vice versa. We’re an incestious bunch but we have no choice considering the alternative. The common rule is if I was actually dating and claiming the chick that you have to ask permission but let’s be honest, niggas redefine friendships REAL quick when chicks are involved.

 “Ok I know I’m his kids god father and I’ve known him 12 years but…like….ween even blood so I mean….why can’t I hit it?”

“Ok I know I’m his kids god father and I’ve known him 12 years but…like….ween even blood so I mean….why can’t I hit it?”

We’ve all been with someone in our circle and are taking down the same people because we’re terrified to date these thugs and jungless.

Let’s be real here.

Do you know what you have to become to date someone from the hood? You gotta be comfortable driving your not yet paid for Commonwealth Bank funded car into the heart of the ghetto, sober might I add, and act like you are a-ok with what you thought were firecrackers sounding off in the background. Then you have to try and live up to niggas she dated before that have done things to her that only the devil knows. The same goes for females. You’re not bringing LiL Rundell around Karen and Carol and the squad. You know damn well that nigga thought you meant Olive Garden when you said y’all were going to Olives, don’t play cute.

“Wait, daughter, it’s a Olives Garden in Nassau??!?!?!!! Muddaflip all type unlimited bread and pasta king!"

“Wait, daughter, it’s a Olives Garden in Nassau??!?!?!!! Muddaflip all type unlimited bread and pasta king!”

Those girl/guys are not for us, people. We gotta stick with what we know.

But be vigilant people. I’m seeing a lot of these wannabe 7%’ers trying to sneak in with their pastel colored pants and form fitting t-shirts. Don’t be fooled. See they saw where the game was headed and instead of…I don’t know…reading a book or getting better at forming sentences they opted to just dress the part to at least get their foot in the door. You can easily identify them.

Hmmm tight shirt, tight pants....wait...there it is. Jordans. Tell tale sign of a 90%'er trying to fit in. #SillyRabbit

Hmmm tight shirt, tight pants….wait…there it is. Jordans. Tell tale sign of a 90%’er trying to fit in. #SillyRabbit

So don’t be fooled. You could be out with a nice girl who you met at work who speaks well and seems polite then BOOM! She’s shows up to Harbour Front like…

"Chile he say we goin some place name Harbour Front so I wan look good 'mongst them white people!"

“Chile he say we goin some place name Harbour Front so I wan look good ‘mongst them white people!”

So pay attention, kids. Don’t worry, it’s easy to weed them out and easy to find “our own”. Even at work you can spot a member of the clique. Remember the first day at your office? You knew immediately who the cool kids were and who the jungless were amongst them. You search for keywords….its almost like a dog whistle for like minded people.

“Wait….porper speaking, her name has less than 4 syllables….mentioned something about Sapodilla without being ironic, private school……yay!! A friend!!”

“Wait….proper speaking, her name has less than 4 syllables….mentioned something about Sapodilla without being ironic, private school……yay!! A friend!!”

Listen, I know this is coming off as elitist and as if I’m segregating the general populous of our already socially torn little island.

And you sir/madam would be exactly right.

Whether you want to admit to it or not there is a divide, a growing one too. We are not the same. By no means is the 7% better than the 90 or the 3% better than the 97. But can you honestly say that we vote, think, act, dress or even live the same? This is not about money either….we’re all broke to varying degrees.

But goddamnit a jungless is a jungless. Let’s call it what it is.

We’re all red blooded Bahamians. But there is no denying that there are places that we all go to feel safe. Anyone reading this right now can walk into Green Parrot, Compass Point, Shipwrecked, The Huddle, Olives etc and know at least one person there.

I’m wrong? I’m being an asshole?  Cool….meet me at a bar called “4 Quarters” in the middle of Pinewood at 12am tonight.

I’ll wait.

 

“It’s not that we tamed our demons….we just put ours on a leash”

 

Stay(7%)Woke

 

 

 

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