By Drew

 

So you’ve been engaging in coitus with this guy or girl lately that you met at work. After a steady amount of Whatsapping, Instagram/Facebook picture liking and job endingly inappropriate flirtation you’ve decided they’re cool (goodlooking) enough for you to, not only be seen in public with but  *gasp* to also feed.

Wait, was the intro too harsh or are we gonna just be adults about the way these things happen?

“I don’t know who this “Andrew” thinks he is but I have self respect and would NEVER have sex with a guy before he takes me on at least 10 dates”, said the 30 something female with the toy dog, cupboard full of wine and no nigga to help drink it

“I don’t know who this “Andrew” thinks he is but I have self respect and would NEVER have sex with a guy before he takes me on at least 10 dates”, said the 30 something female with the toy dog, cupboard full of wine and no nigga to help drink it

Lets be honest people, if you’re 30 or above that’s just the way it happens 50-60% of the time. Now if you’re one of the lucky females that got a romantic first date or one of the SUPER LUCKY males that got taken on a date by a lady then good for you, you can read this too. We here at 10thyr Seniors 8th yr Junior try to cater to the romantics and the realists alike. But lets not act like niggas aren’t about to spend major cash this weekend on females they hooked up with this week just cause of that good ass “I voted yes” status they put on Facebook. Fading purple “yes” thumbs are the new aphrodisiac for the next week or so. I know dudes who haven’t washed their hands in days.

Leave that good "yes" purple under the nail so they know its real

Leave that good “yes” purple under the nail so they know its real

So whatever situation you’re in may it be first date, pre-sex or first date post-sex, chances are if you think they’re worthy you’re gonna wanna take them to a chill happy hour spot. Here’s a list of places you can go (where you wont get shot).

 

Big Picture Paint & Sip Studio

All you can drink wine, apps and painting (yes, niggas, painting. Yes you can keep your painting at the end of it so please don’t ask the poor instructor again.

Now at first glance y’all are wondering why a man of my size and general disposition is promoting a place that doesn’t have beers, sports and deep fried carbs. Well firstly its fun as shit and secondly…shut up….dont try and box me in, MOM.

Pictured above: Me painting my feelings. Also an anchor….mostly feelings though

Pictured above: Me painting my feelings. Also an anchor….mostly feelings though

The instructor has a beautifully painted example of what you’ll be painting and after she puts you in an apron and gets some free wine in ya she goes on to lead you through recreating said painting. Oh at first its all focus and people taking art/painting way too seriously. Then halfway through (around the time the apps arrive) everything goes left and what was supposed to be a tree ends up being a political statement with the Wu Tang symbol next to it.

…not kidding

 

It’s a ton of fun and makes me wish I had this back when I had just graduated high school so I could have daydreamed about going there with the girls that wouldn’t have gone out with me at the time. Its different for Nassau and it’s the first and of its kind. Also did I mention its in Sandyport? So its super free of crime and baggy jeans. At $60 per person that’s really hard to beat considering you get to keep the “art” you painted and you have a belly full of a wine you cant pronounce.

How much will you spend? $60 per person (All the wine you can drink and apps)

Attire: Casual (Aprons are provided but you’re probably gonna get drunk so…. Rest easy, its all water colors so it’ll wash off)

Notes: The Jazz music will annoy you at first but you’re gonna feel super classy when that wine buzz hits you. Trust me on this.  (Aslo beware of the wine hangover that I had last Saturday morning)

 

 

Green Parrot (Nassau Side)

Remember when we almost lost Green Parrot to the ghetto that one time?

Not kidding.

They made the insane decision to start playing reggae on Fridays for Christ sake and all of a sudden the atmosphere went from good weaves and blonde haired females to niggas in Jordans, bad weaves and murder. Jungless on this island can sense good reggae and cheap liquor like the swallows of Capistrano can sense how to get to San Juan every St Josephs Day.

"I was just bout to grind his best friend when-…..wait….girl I think I hear Patra ..3.8 miles to the south east…girl lets ride!!”

“I was just bout to smash his best friend when-…..wait….girl I think I hear Patra ..3.8 miles to the south east…girl lets ride!!”

However, thanks to the perfect storm of Foxies opening up and luring them away and the “prep” (non-violent) crowd taking it back its not just returned to its glory, but they’ve evolved.

They’ve expanded the patio section, added a few flat screens and even threw in the ever so pretentious pool that no one swims in.

“Hmm an unused pool and TV’s that don’t have hip hop movies on them. This place seems rape free to me”

“Hmm an unused pool and TV’s that don’t have hip hop movies on them. This place seems rape free to me”

They have an open kitchen so you can see the chefs not dropping your food on a roach and a huge bar facing the entrance so you totes have a head start when your spouse that you lied about walks in. It has a great view of Atlantis and its loud enough that you can ignore the growing reality that you’re in public with this person for the first time but chill enough that you can finally find out their last time and attempt a conversation beyond “Are you gonna drink the rest of that water on the nightstand?”. Perfect place for a first date, chill day or even to watch the game.

How much will you spend?  Depends. If You’re a drinker like I am then bring about $100-150. If not then $80-100 should cover you. (Yes yes apps included)

Attire: Casual. Please in the name of fashion conscious Jesus don’t come in your damn heels and prom dress unless you came from a prom or wedding at which point that’s ok. Throw on some jeans and a t shirt otherwise people will assume you’re a jungless and “not used to shit”.

Notes: No seriously don’t swim in the pool…thats not what it’s there for.

 

Olives

Its out west, its run by Greeks and they have gyros. Can I just end that there or nah?

Fine.

First off lets be clear: Say what you like about the Greek population of the Bahamas but they know how to run a business. And for all you not-racists out there whose eyes are burning because I’m praising another race for their business savvy let alone the Greeks..….y’all know they own Imperials right?

Its all fun and games being pro black until you drunk and hungry at 3 am and they the only ones open

Its all fun and games being pro black until you drunk and hungry at 3 am and they the only ones open

Much like their other establishments Olives is a necessary dining experience. The decor is different than you’d expect for Nassau much like the food. I’ll be honest I’ve only eaten there twice and both times the food was excellent. However I’ve had drinks there on several occasions and I must say I had a ball. It’s a good place to sit down and get to know the young lady or gent you’ve made mistakes with and the perfect place to have libations and some apps to give you the motivation necessary to continue said mistakes well into the night.

Price Point: If you’re not drinking $80-100. Drinking: $150-200

Attire: You can put on your good clothes but again, no prom dress needed.

Notes: Word on the street is their brunch is pretty spectacular on Sundays so you may wanna mess with it before/after/during church

 

 

The Cricket Club

This place is a gem hiding in plain sight. Its one of those places that you assume you’ve been to before but never went or assume they have the worst food on earth but you have NO idea how wrong you are. This is the absolute best day date, chill spot on the island. Their app game is pretty strong and they have arguably the deepest bar selection on this island. Never mind its “dive bar”aesthetic, there’s not too many places on this island that serve a traditional English breakfast, chicken lasagna and some pretty amazing stew fish. Their menu is like the perfect woman: Deep, made with love and makes you feel good inside.

I “never lose” either, babygirl #Soon

I “never lose” either, babygirl #Soon

Try and get a seat on the upstairs veranda that over looks the cricket field that they still think is relevant. You get a good view of Arawak Cay and when the night falls, if you’re lucky, you can witness a Honda being stolen in the distance because when is that not a good time?

Hondas in Nassau are like the Kardashian girls: Black men think they want them in their lives until they’re stolen by some lesser black man in a hoody with a crack habit

Hondas in Nassau are like the Kardashian girls: Black men think they want them in their lives until they’re stolen by some lesser black man in a hoody with a crack habit

The big selling point for the Cricket Club isn’t necessarily the atmosphere so much as the price point. I’m sorry but anywhere you can get some wings for $5 and still look semi-classy about it, I’m in. Its one of the few places on this island where you can still get a good buzz (drunk), eat and have a chill ass night for under $100.

P.S. Try their curry. Thank me later.

How much will you spend? $50-80 if you’re not drinking and $80-100 if you are

Attire: Super casual. You can wear shorts even….not short shorts though, that’s never ok (guys)

Notes: Ask to meet the owner(s)….cutest couple of life

 

Now people these are just a few of the options. This will be an ongoing thing as Dakarai and I visit these places for you and judge them accordingly so you don’t have to. Because when has trusting a black guy in a tight t shirt EVER gone wrong?

...shut up

…shut up

Obviously this isn’t fine dining and it wasn’t meant to be. Save the fine dining for that special night when you need to make up for cheating or lying.

Nothing says “I’m sorry for sleeping with your sister” like small portions of expensive food

Nothing says “I’m sorry for sleeping with your sister” like small portions of expensive food

These are just chill options for when you and your significant other decide to actually shower and wash off your sex shame or baby vomit (or both depending on where you are in your relationship. No judgement). I constantly hear people say “its so dangerous to go out in Nassau”. Um, no its not. If you’re living in fear of going out in Nassau then I have to question where the hell you’re going exactly because not one of those places has ever shown up in my news feed with the word “murder” associated with it.

*That said can everyone reading this quickly knock on wood. I’m not superstitious but lets not take any chances. I don’t want to lose Green Parrot again*

So stop being boring and branch out. Go grab a meal, listen to some top 40 or an awkward live band and pretend to relate to each other for an hour or 2. Nassau is Nassau so lets make the best of it one spinach dip at a time.

 

In Memoriam :

Shooters (I miss your sliders and your cheap liquor)

Pirates Pub (You hurt me the most. I miss your wings…all 24 of them)

Cheeky Monkeys (If You remember this place then you’re awesome and you deserve awards)

Bahama Joes (You were perfect)

Waterloo (We gave you to the hood and never looked back. Forgive us)

Mojos (You tried)

Every bar that tried to open on Harold Road but failed because niggas

Travelers Rest (Sub par food, amazing atmosphere….you will be missed)

Blu (I can still taste the Anejo and Coke that got poured over my head….good times)

Plush (Gone too soon)

Bluenotes (You gave us all we could drink and we took you for granted. We will never forget)

 

#NeverForget

 

Stay (hungrily) Woke

 

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