By Drew

 

Remember when people were getting married like crazy……or was that just me? Between 2010 – 2015 I feel like everyone who could get married did and those that didn’t were looked at as pariahs in the eyes of society.

"Come with me Rebecca….you don’t want to catch that strange ladies unmarried freedom and disposable income disease"

“Come with me Rebecca….you don’t want to catch that strange ladies unmarried freedom and disposable income disease”

Dakarai made a faux pas the other night on a podcast where he kept referring to Nassau as “Normal society”.

LoL…its so not.

The Bahamas is like another room in that house wherever those white British children found Narnia. Only they sent their Spanish friend Christopher in there to play and after his report  decided they would rather live in a fantasy world where witches feed them paedophilic candy treats and there seems to be a Lion Jesus.

"Don't cry, Lucy. This "Nassau" is not for women that want equality and have a low BMI."

“Don’t cry, Lucy. This “Nassau” is not for women that want equality and have a low BMI.”

Well ladies and gents, if you’re over 25, unmarried and live in this void in the universe we call the Bahamas then keep reading. I’m about to explain why Bahamians aren’t getting married anymore.

 

We’re Traveling More

I have to admit that I am less and less shocked by the number of people I’ve met who’ve actually traveled beyond Miami.

No seriously.

Bahamians are not only going deeper into America but they are taking cruises, seeing snow and even going as far as…..Canada! I Personally would suggest Halifax: Its exactly like home only their lights stay on year round and they have a bus system with a schedule.

“Wait…so the buses come to a designated place every day ON time without the fear of jonsers or 3pm government school rock throwing sessions?”

“Wait…so the buses come to a designated place every day ON time without the fear of jonsers or 3pm government school rock throwing sessions?”

I’ve met more people who have made trips to Europe, Asia and beyond in the past 5-10 years than I ever have and they all had one thing in common: They were all either single or couldn’t give a shit less about marriage.

Bahamians have realized that there is far too much to do in a world that’s far too big than to just sit on our laurels and settle for the guy or girl our mothers met in the grocery store cashout line today.

“I met him in the produce section and his name Ashley but he insisted I call him “Ace Calibur”. That name aside he seemed VERY nice!”

“I met him in the produce section and his name is Ashley but he insisted I call him “Ace Calibur”. That name aside he seemed VERY nice!”

 

I look at the selfies of friends and friends of friends and see more sights and adventures and it does my heart proud. If marriage is coming for you then let it find you…..otherwise why not travel? We’re out there seeing things and living our lives because there’s no greater comfort than knowing you wont run into a Bahamian in a Orlando Wal Mart or at the Greek sports centre ….

...unless you run into Sherice who is everywhere apparently. #SalleeSue

…unless you run into Sherice who is everywhere apparently. #SalleeSue

 

We’re Ignoring Our Parents

If you left it to my mother I would have been married to my first girlfriend and had a tribe of very large and very hungry kids by now. Given inflation, the war, numerous adventures and, just recently, falling in life changing, unwavering love with the woman of my dreams….I’m kinda glad I avoided that problem.

Unwavering, Loretta. UNWAVERING

Unwavering, Loretta. UNWAVERING

I imagine I wasn’t the only one with that pressure. I feel especially bad for the female population as Bahamian society is even harder on them.

“When are you getting married?”

“You STILL haven’t found a man?!”

“Why aren’t you forcing 10lb humans out of your not 10lb vagina?!!”

Meanwhile Bahamian dudes look like Dakarai at Suits last week.

Can you find Dakarai in this picture? He’s the guy over 30 and overjoyed that he’s not even close to being married. Look how happy he is.

Can you find Dakarai in this picture? He’s the guy over 30 and overjoyed that he’s not even close to being married. Look how happy he is.

It’s an obvious double standard but somehow these chicks are out here ignoring the noise in the pediatric ward. Women are moving out on their own, showing up to happy hour with a tervis cup and a good book and really could care less about how unused you think their uterus is. I ran into a friend at brunch over the weekend…

..yes I brunch.....what of it?

..yes I brunch…..what of it?

…..and I commented that I was surprised to see her there having a glass of champagne alone. She responded by saying,

“Drew, I was born alone. I don’t need anybody else for me to have a good ass time”

That was the realest shit I ever heard.

Cheers to we the few that stood up to our parents and came out on the other side unscathed, unbroken, and (happily) unmarried!

 

We Have Dreams

If we’re being honest the Bahamas is not exactly the place to live out your dreams. If you’re not a lawyer, Doctor, Politician or lightskin female with a bookshelf ass then its pretty hard out here to make money.

No female that looks like this needs dreams or a wallet in Nassau. That’s fact.

No female that looks like this needs dreams or a wallet in Nassau. That’s fact.

But before we made money or wanted to make money we had dreams of doing things. I personally wanted to be a Dj like Eddie Da Virgo or Dj Scooby Doo (The Dj the Djs listened to). I remember building up the gumption to tell my mother whose response was

Really, nigga?

Needless to say I didn’t become a Disc Jockey or end up doing anything music related.

Know what though? I can if I want.

I can wake up tomorrow, leave my job, pack my bags and go to Vegas, or London or wherever people go who are on a musical pilgrimage to become the worlds best hip hop and R&B Dj.

Or I could just drive the 10 minutes to 100Jamz….either/or

Or I could just drive the 10 minutes to 100Jamz….either/or

I probably wont become a Dj but there’s something amazing….almost liberating about knowing that I have that freedom. The freedom to literally do whatever the hell I want to do at any time with 0 people/shitzus depending on me. Besides, at my age, I tend to live out more daydreams than I do sleepy bedtime dreams. Those day dreams include waking up late, day drinking, taking random trips just to get the hell off the island, etc. Things I would NEVER be able to do had I been married. Obviously there are people out there living bigger, more world changing dreams and to those people I say Godspeed and good luck.

 

We Refuse to Settle

Not to throw shade but a lot of you young married folk aren’t happy and y’all aren’t even 40 yet. I see so many of my boys who used to be legends, gods amongst men, who are now shallow broken vessels. It’s the same for women. They always look tired and like they have debated cutting their husbands neck in his sleep but not sure if the Orange is the New Black lifestyle is really what they want in life.

Is this a picture of the hit Netflix show Orange is the New Black or a Female Bahamian flag football team? We’ll never know! #ItsFunnyCauseItsTrue

Is this a picture of the hit Netflix show Orange is the New Black or a Female Bahamian flag football team? We’ll never know! #ItsFunnyCauseItsTrue

I can speak for myself and say that I’ve loved and lost and loved again…..and then ultimately lost. Shit happens. But I always promised myself that I would never settle for someone I felt I would ultimately be unhappy with in years to come or someone who I just didn’t think was ready for marriage.

Getting married to the wrong person is like eating chicken from On The Run: It seems like a good idea since nothing else is available or open but you know deep down you’re gonna pay for it in the long run.

“I either have cancer coming out of my ass or diarrhea….either way it was that goddamn chicken!”

“I either have cancer coming out of my ass or diarrhea….either way it was that goddamn chicken!”

Listen I’m the worst person to take advice from, please believe that. But in my humble opinion I’d rather be alone and miss having someone to wake up with for Saturday Glass Kitchen burgers and chill than to have a warm bead with a cold spouse.  #JustSayin

We’re Actually Happy Being Alone

I’m a Capricorn. (every Capricorn that read this knows exactly where this is going)….I enjoy my alone time so much it actually worries me sometimes. Its to the point where people have to check in on me to make sure that I’m not dead or I’m not clinically depressed. I’m usually either sleeping, eating or in the gym. Then when I do go and venture out into the world shit like this happens…..

Above is actual footage of me trying to have a good time.

But in general I have to say I’m pretty happy with me. I take me out on dates sometimes and sometimes myself and I even binge watch Veep or Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt…..who knows. I just know I’m perfectly comfortable sitting down at Green Parrot, having a scotch and burger and people watching.

I know people think that being single at 30 or not being married at 30 is a death sentence or that you’re secretly dead inside but have you ever considered that we’re perfectly happy with who we are? If you need someone to complete you then you have bigger fish to fry there, fam.

 “Wait…I’m the half that makes you whole? Cause I was pretty 'whole' before I got in them DM’s 3 months ago”

“Wait…I’m the half that makes you whole? Cause I was pretty ‘whole’ before I got in them DM’s 3 months ago”

You may look at my snapchat, Facebook or whatsapp and see pics of me having an amazing time and think,

“He may LOOK happy but he’s single so…..How happy can he be?”

The answer to that is VERY. Don’t get it pretzeled: Would I rather be cuddled up in some ductless ac with my lady doing nothing and watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives? Absolutely. Who wouldn’t? But does that mean that my reality without that now is any less happy than yours?

Nope.

That’s like me living out east and not having enough gas to get to KFC Prince Charles but just enough to get some good ass grease from Bamboo Shack up the road.

You can do a LOT worse than a chicken/conch combo from Bamboo….I’m just saying

You can do a LOT worse than a chicken/conch combo from Bamboo….I’m just saying

Understand that I know several happily married couples. Love exists and its real, I’ve seen it.

Have you met the couple from “The Chill”? They're super happy and I’m pretty sure they have sex during their podcasts which is weird for a married couple. The sex I mean.

Have you met the couple from “The Chill”? They’re super happy and I’m pretty sure they like each other…..which is weird for a married couple.

I’ve been in their weddings and I’ve gotten drunk at their receptions. Finding and being with your one true love is not a fairytale or a myth that our parents got jumbled up with the easter bunny, santa and Bahamar. But for those of us that have not taken that leap or crossed that road we are no less lucky. We are no less free and by all means we are no less happy than the rest. We are just the minority that took the road less traveled.

We are the few with options.

We are at a crossroad where going left may lead to our own destruction and right may lead to fear and high adventure….of course there’s always the possibility of total ruin.

But would I be able to spend the rest of my life settling, not living my dreams or in a cage built by another person’s insecurities and fears? Could I spend all my time in the “safety” of a marriage/relationship without the promise of a thrill?

Could you?

….and this is how the adventure of self begins.

 

Stay (individually) Woke

 

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