by RENALDO DORSETT

Week 11 Awards

The “Coming From Nowhere to Single Handily Deciding Every Fantasy Football League One Week at A Time” award presented by Victor Cruz  – Jonas Gray. Congrats to everyone that was smart enough to jump in the driver’s seat on this bandwagon. Best seats in the house.

The “Because That’s What I Needed…More Success” award presented by John Calipari – Two days after the fact, the NFL and Elias Sports Bureau made an official change to Gray’s rushing total for Sunday night, giving him 37 carries for 201 yards instead of 38 carries for 199 yards. He become the third running back in Patriots history to rush for 200-plus yards in a game.

The “How To Lose A Job In Ten Days” award presented by Ray Rice/AP – Jason Avant, LeGarrette Blount and Ben Tate were cut and Ahmad Brooks just…disappeared. All of these players were expected to have transcending seasons this year, but Avant did nothing to help Cam transition from Steve Smith, Tate did nothing when he finally got the chance to be the feature back and Blount made you completely forget about the postseason he had with the Pats. Ahmad Brooks is just crazy though.

Week 11 Results

Renaldo: 8-6 (89-69-1, .560)

Sannie: 6-8  (82-76-1, .512)

Week 12

Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders

We’ve been here with these Chiefs before. Incredible regular season, dynamic running game, adequate game manager, playoff caliber defense, coach of the year candidate….and not an ounce of trust heading into the postseason. It’s really unfair to Andy Reid that we refuse to think of him as always the bridesmaid and never the bride, despite his ability to making his team (just on the cusp of) great. His dedication to his moustache and a lack of weight loss shows that Andy Reid is all about football, football and only football. Take Raiders interim Head Coach Tony Sparano for example, lost his weight…lost his talent…lost his job.

CHIEFS over Raiders

Sannie: I really can’t even say anything about the Raiders anymore. For my Eddie Carter’s sake, I wish they win ONE game.

CHIEFS over Raiders

New York Jets at Buffalo Bills

As a Dolphins fan, best case scenario in this game would end in a tie. With both of these teams pretty much just playing out the schedule and working on vacation plans, it makes me smile inside. Objectivity be damned. The most interesting thing about this game is waiting on the “Genoooo” and “EJaaayyy” chants, almost certainly followed very promptly by a three and out or a turnover.

BILLS over Jets

Sannie: The Bills hired about 500 people, paying them $10 an hour to shovel snow out of their stadium so they can play. That is a team that wants to win.

BILLS over Jets

Cleveland Browns at Atlanta Falcons

At an amazing 4-6, the Falcons still lead the league in “I’ll tell you what, you don’t want to face this team in the playoffs right now” anecdotes from colour analysts everywhere. The Browns don’t have that luxury to lose crucial games at this point in the uber competitive AFC, not just because they need to keep pace with the pack, but because we don’t want the end of the season to saturated in Manziel coverage.

FALCONS over Browns

Sannie: Joe Curtis, a lifelong supporter of the Falcons who witnessed 376 straight home games over 48 seasons, died this week. He was 96. They have to win and dedicate this game to him!

FALCONS over Browns

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Chicago Bears

The Bears are on the short list of the most frustrating teams in sports history, right up there with the Reggie Miller Era Pacers or any version of the Cubs. Twenty years from now there is going to be a 30 for 30 done on why this team couldn’t get it done with Jay Cutler, Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery and Matt Forte. Also, at 2-8 the Bucs aren’t out of the playoff race yet…the NFC South ladies and gentlemen.

BEARS over Bucs

Sannie: Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are so cute together and they make the cutest kids! love this couple.

BEARS over Bucs

Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans

If it seems as if the first NFL Gamebreak every week features AJ Green catching a 30 yard touchdown…that’s because it”s true. If it seems as if we believe in Ryan Mallet and Texans offence just solely because he sat behind Tom Brady for years…it’s because that’s true too.

TEXANS over Bengals

Sannie: So they may have another person in Houston that may have ebola. What is going on there?

BENGALS over Texans

Detroit Lions at New England Patriots

I think Brady takes it personally when he plays against young quarterbacks like Matt Stafford. Twenty years from now he’ll be showing up at high school practices out-throwing people just for the fun of it. Show-off.

PATS over Lions

Sannie: Is Kellen Moore ok? I mean does his elevator go all the way to the top? He looks a little *cough cough* special.

PATS over Lions

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings

Aaron Rodgers is trending up and looks indefensible, the entire Vikings organisation is trending down and apparently Adrian Peterson’s case for reinstatement is also indefensible. One wins you games, while the other loses a whole lot of them. The Vikings must long for the days when the “party boat” and Randy Moss mooning the crowd at Lambeau were their biggest non football issues.

PACKERS over Vikings

Sannie: I’m sorry but I can never pick against Clay Matthews. He is just…..everything.

PACKERS over Vikings

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts

The Colts shrunk from the moment last week in a primetime matchup against the Pats. I don’t know if I was supposed to walk away from the that game last week impressed by Andrew Luck…but I was. There’s clearly no way I’m going to be objective about his career and that’s just something we’re all going to have to live with. Here’s to a decade of rationalising Ryan Tannehill.

COLTS over Jags

Sannie: Lord! Why does Laron Landry look like that. That can’t be normal or healthy. I mean, I will look but that can’t be right.

COLTS over Jags

Tennessee Titans at Philadelphia Eagles

My God, what a relief to go from trying to stop Aaron Rodgers last week to Zach Mettenberger this week. Even Cary Williams shouldn’t find a reason to fight this week, and Cary Williams always finds a reason to fight.

EAGLES over Titans

Sannie: The entire Titans team looks weird to me, where are the cuties?

EAGLES over Titans

St. Louis Rams at San Diego Chargers

Both teams won last week, but how troubling was it that the best players from those games were the guys on Special Teams. The Rams pulled off another upset but it was completely due to the defense and Greg Zuerlein’s five field goals. In the most unwatchable game of the year, the Chargers biggest bright spot for Chargers last week was the punter Mike Scifres being named AFC ST players for the week. Remember when the Chargers beat the Seahawks and it was huge? In retrospect, not so huge.

CHARGERS over Rams

Sannie: My prayers are with the people of Ferguson and the people of St Louis. The next few days will be rough.

RAMS over Chargers

Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks

Last week may have been the first time in NFL history that a league leading team lost ground in public perception with a win. I’m still completely on board with the Drew Stanton bandwagon (good for a maximum of 17 points per game) and there’s no better way to do that than to ceremoniously take control of the AFC by beating the division and Super Bowl champs. Things are going good for Stanton right now, new daughter, new job…his story definitely has Disney movie potential.

CARDS over Seahawks

Sannie: Hi Russell Wilson.

SEAHAWKS over Cards

Miami Dolphins at Denver Broncos

I don’t know what to think of this game. Four out of the five times that the Dolphins play a marquee quarterback, they fold defensively on the game’s final drive only to have defeat clutched from the jaws of victory. First Aaron Rodgers then Matt Stafford and now Peyton. Someone needs to sell me on how this team can possibly defend him on the road for an entire game and the answer needs to be more extensive than “Do what the Rams did.” Anyone? Anyone? No? Thought so.

BRONCOS over Dolphins

Sannie: No more making Renaldo happy. Dolphins gave to go.

BRONCOS over Dolphins

Washington  No Nicknames at San Francisco 49ers

This game is a perfect example of the lesson young quarterbacks should learn from Kap, RGIII, Cam, Mark Sanchez and Tebow…stay away from GQ covers. Nothing good happens if you make a GQ cover before you win at least one Super Bowl. I’m not lying, midway through typing this I did a little research and discovered that the GQ curse is real. Marino made the cover after Super Bowl XIX, Jim Everett made it in 1990 and never played in another playoff game, Tebow made it last year and was banished to the Jets bench for eternity, Sanchez made it and completely forgot how to play football. RGIII may have lost the locker room, his coach has certainly lost faith in him and the even Kaepernick can’t explain how he’s scraping out these wins.

NINERS over Washington

Sannie: Possible ebola infection in Washington. smh.

NINERS over Washington

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants

We’ve reached the point in the season where the ashes of Eli rises over the Meadowlands like a confused Manning-faced phoenix. Don’t get me wrong, its totally too late and all they can do is play spoilers, but the season for the Giants really begins now, becoming the menace of the NFC East.

GIANTS over Cowboys

Sannie: A woman in New York is being monitored for Ebola. Nothing else needs to be said.

COWBOYS over Giants

Baltimore Ravens at New Orleans Saints

The Saints haven’t lost a prime-time home game since 2009. They’re 23-10 overall in night time games since 2006, are 9-2 on NBCs Sunday Night Football…yet I still can’t trust them. We keep waiting for the Saints to be that team we’re accustomed to, for Drew Brees and Sean Payton to get it together, for the “Who Dat” nation to come back…but maybe its just not going to happen. Maybe, they’re just a 4-6 team and we have to accept that.

RAVENS over Saints

Sannie: Drew Brees looks funny. He really does. Not ugly but Funny, you know what I mean?

RAVENS over Saints

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