by RENALDO DORSETT

Week 1 Results

Renaldo: 10-6

Sannie: 8-8

Week 1 Awards

– The “Oh. They Got That On Film. I’m Screwed” Award presented by Ray Rice – Browns’ punter Spencer Lanning who’s still checking for cleat marks after Antonio Brown’s failed hurdle attempt turned into swift kick to the neck.

– The “Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated” Award presented by Jay-Z and Beyonce’s Marriage – Knowshon Moreno. All offseason he heard how his success was a by-product of Peyton’s offense. He reported to training camp overweight and just when nobody really believed he was the answer, he totaled a league high 134 rushing yards and a touchdown in his Dolphins debut.

– The “It Doesn’t Matter If I Won. I’m Staying Combative and Angry Because It’s Kinda My Thing Now” Award presented by Dr. Andre Rollins’ entire tenure in the House of Assembly – Richard Sherman. Sherman said he wished he was more involved in the Seahawks win over the Packers, which is insane because he couldn’t be more involved. Sherman received the greatest sign of respect a cornerback can get, they didn’t throw to him once all game. You won, take it and move on.

Week 2

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

The Steelers were impressive early on against the Browns, but only as impressive as I would be playing one on-on-one basketball against a fourth grader. For the Ravens, Steve Smith was a nice addition to the passing game and even Justin Forsett filled in (for what they thought was one week) effectively on the ground but it just didn’t come together in week one. What the Ravens need is a hard-nosed, dynamic ,dual-purpose running back that can take over a game at any moment. Preferably one that doesn’t hit women.

RAVENS over Browns

SANNIE: They did an admirable thing by dropping Ray Rice after he dropped his wife on that elevator floor. Good job by them for getting rid of him. He obviously has issues

RAVENS over Steelers

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills

Classic Dolphins trap game here. I’m stuck between the path to 2-0 and the urge to keep the reverse jinx going simply because the Dolphins need me not to believe in them in order to win. Facts only. The most impressive part of the Dolphins’ come from behind win wasn’t Moreno’s league leading rushing total (he always kills the Pats), or Tannehill/Wallace connecting with some semblance of efficiency (and a touchdown!), but it was the fight they showed in overcoming three first half turnovers and shutting out the second half. The problem this week is that they face a team in Buffalo that showed similar resolve in beating Chicago, a team that many people have pegged to contend for the NFC Championship. The Bills come into this game confident because they swept the Dolphins in the season series last year, but in both instances Thad Lewis was under centre, not EJ Manuel. I’m not sure if that makes things better or worse, but I am sure they made me believe again and this could turn out terribly for us all.

DOLPHINS over Bills

SANNIE: Once again Renaldo is a big Dolphin Fan, so now way am I going to pick them. EVER!

BILLS over Dolphins

Jacksonville Jaguars at Washington

The Jaguars surprised almost everybody by the way the came out and took it to the Eagles last week. Sure it was impressive, but it was what I like to call an “Instagram pic” game. Girls know angles. You can have a masters degree in mathematics, write your dissertation on geometry and never know angles like a girl posting a bathroom mirror pic on Instagram. They find the flaws, hide them and exploit the strong points…but it’s not real. It’s not really what they are. This was the same way Chad Henne found the holes in the Eagles’ secondary and was able to exploit the matchups he wanted. We double tap, we like but we don’t take it too seriously. Same goes for you Jacksonville.

WASHINGTON over Jags

SANNIE: Is it just me or does Robert Griffin look a little weird? Like he has some extra teeth or something and whats with the 5th grade hair twists? No thank you.

JAGS over Washington

Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers

How Calvin Johnson continues to get this open remains one of the greatest mysteries in 21st century culture. It’s right up there with the unmeltable Wal-Mart ice cream sandwiches and the ability of a Fox News talking head to redirect the cause of ANY problem to direct Barack Obama. Seriously, they even blamed him for the Ray and Janay Rice incident, it’s really borderline masterful to watch them do this.

LIONS over Panthers

SANNIE: The war of the cats. This one is pretty easy. There is no way a Panther can beat a Lion.

LIONS over Panthers

Dallas Cowboys at Tennessee Titans

There’s something very fulfilling in watching the Cowboys self destruct time after time. I never get tired of it. It’s like watching the final scene in Terminator 2 over and over and. Jason McCourty picked off Alex Smith two times and he actually has a reputation for being careful with the ball. Imagine what he’ll do to Tony Romo.

In other more important news, if Jake Locker stays healthy and continues to keep up this pace then we’re going to lost “The Hurt Locker” as a nickname forever. I’m not even a little but ready to give that up. Makes me feel like Jerry Seinfeld in the “Helloooo” voice episode.

TITANS over Cowboys

SANNIE: Well hello Justin Hunter. How YOU doing? He is pretty cute. I’ll take it

TITANS over Cowboys

New England Patriots at Minnesota Vikings

Without Adrian Peterson reaching the endzone and with Matt Cassel at quarterback, the Vikings put up 34 points last week. After forcing three turnovers in the first half and taking a two touchdown lead, New England allowed 33 points. I’m not going to assume it was just Knowshon Moreno’s greatness, the Patriots traditionally have an issue stopping the run which doesn’t bode well for a team about to face AP. I have no idea why I’m even trying to rationalize anything, there’s no way Brady loses to a guy that used to be his backup one week after being embarrassed in Miami.

PATS over Vikinings

SANNIE: Picked the Patriots last week because I was sure they were going to beat the Dolphins and make Renaldo sad which would have made me happy. They failed at their job, so I am jumping ship.

VIKINGS over Pats

New Orleans Saints at Cleveland Browns

At some point we’re going to figure out why the Browns offense seems run heavy when they had Ben Tate in the backfield. Now Tate’s out (again…it’s a fall tradition) which is a disaster for Browns fans, but not people that picked up Terrance West off the free agency waiver wires. Most Saints games this year will be shootouts and this week, its a good thing for them that they’re fighting someone that’s about to bring a knife to this gunfight.

SAINTS over Browns

Cleveand Browns. Sancheska Brown. Makes sense to me.

BROWNS over Saints

Atlanta Falcons at Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals were one gaffe play away from losing the opener at home when an incomplete pass turned into a 77 yard touchdown for AJ Green. It’s almost as if Andy Dalton survived that game rather than win it. I don’t know if there’s anyway the Bengals defense survives that Newlanta offense.

FALCONS over Bengals

SANNIE: Seriously, what is a Bengal? A domestic cat. Yea, that doesn’t seem very intimidating.

FALCONS over Bengals

Arizona Cardinals at New York Giants

Do you think the Giants will try and use man-to-man coverage against Michael Floyd or Larry Fitzgerald like they did with Calvin Johnson last week? I just remembered that this is the same team that has no contingency plan for Eli Manning. So yes, of course they will.

CARDS over Giants

SANNIE: Nicki Minaj mentions Eli Manning in Romans Revenge…Guess that means he is good. That’s valid enough for me.

GIANTS over Cardinals

Seattle Seahawks at San Diego Chargers

Im still waiting for the Seahawks to return back to Earth with the rest of us. It’s been over seven months and they’re still playing the Super Bowl every week. On the other hand it was troubling to see that the Chargers failed to take advantage of a game where Ryan Matthews scored a touchdown and didn’t fumble three times.

SEAHAWKS over Chargers

SANNIE: Does Manti Te’o have a real girlfriend yet? If not I know someone who would like to fill the position. Not me, someone.

CHARGERS over Seahawks

Kansas City Chiefs at Denver Broncos

The Chiefs were last year’s “it” girl that partied two years too long and now we just look at her as “that” girl. Yea everyone wanted you last year, we thought you would be great…but now we have absolutely no idea what to make of you.They must miss last year’s schedule so much.

BRONCOS over Chiefs

SANNIE: Wait, there are two of these Mannings? Well, Eli let me down last week, so hopefully Peyton can get the job done this week.

BRONCOS over Chiefs

Houston Texans at Oakland Raiders

A team that has a rookie quarterback along with Maurice Jones-Drew and Darren McFadden in the backfield cannot run the 15 ball times and expect to win. Their defense also allowed Geno Smith to look adequate so it’s not going out on a limb to think that this could be a huge game Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard is the best thing to happen to the NFL this season.

TEXANS over Raiders

SANNIE: As long as my boss Eddie is a Raiders fan, I will choose against them.

TEXANS over Raiders

St. Louis Rams at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

There was a part of me that thought Shaun Hill could do enough just to manage the game. That part of me is dead and I’m embarrassed it ever existed. I’m more embarrassed than the Bucs organization will be at the end of this season when they look back and realise they wear those creamsicle unis from the 80s or that they benched Mike Glennon in favor of a McCown.

BUCS over Rams

SANNIE: Who would ever choose to go to St Louis over Tampa Bay? A crazy person. That’s who.

BUCS over Rams

New York Jets at Green Bay Packers

I feel like Olivia Munn is the kind of girlfriend that would chastise A-Rod for last week’s no show against the Seahawks. “You only throw to oneself of the field, you only get to use one half of me.” That’s what Sloan Smith would say and Newsroom has yet to lead me wrong. It’s nearly a week later and I’m still not sure how the Jets won in week one. It was he perfect storm of the defense bending not breaking, a solid running game and Geno Smith not imploding. What are the odds that we see that happening again. What’s the over/under on how long it takes Eric Decker to realize he went from Peyton Manning to Geno, has an emotional breakdown and screams “I could have been a contender!” My guess is two weeks.

PACKERS over Jets

SANNIE: Aaron Rodgers’ girlfriend (Olivia Munn) was voted one of the most beautiful girlfriends in football and she is an actress in the HBO dram “Newsroom.” I am a beautiful football girlfriend and I work in a newsroom. Coincidence? I think not.

PACKERS over Jets

Chicago Bears at San Francisco 49ers

Ok I thought the whole #IDontGetTired thing was just something Kaepernick thought was a cool thing that would catch on, but maybe it’s true. Maybe he doesn’t get tired. Or maybe the Cowboys are just that hapless. It’ll be a much different story this weekend when they face a Bears team that is playing the earliest must win game in the history of pro sports (No one is calling it that by the way, just me).

NINERS over Bears

SANNIE: I absolutely LOVE San Francisco! and it has nothing to do with Colin Kaepernick and that amazing smile. I swear.

NINERS over Bears

Philadelpia Eagles at Indianapolis Colts

Both teams fell behind early and both teams staged furious comebacks and rallied late. One team played the Jags so their comeback was successful, the other played the Broncos so theirs wasn’t. That’s the difference between them right now. This weekend we see which performance is more telling. It’s troubling just how right the Browns were on Trent Richardson and without run support, it’ll be difficult for Luck to make the leap to that next tier of quarterbacks. That’s a long term goal though, for this weekend

COLTS over Eagles

SANNIE: So, apparently Eagles running back LeSean McCoy has been publicly called out by the owner of a local eatery for leaving a 20-cent tip on a bill totaling more than $60. This dude actually wrote on the receipt for his $61 dollar bill “$00.20.” Thats a new level of cheap.

COLTS over Eagles

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